Contract of
by QoD-Dev
Summary: Warnings: ZaDR, language, alcohol abuse. Despite his fame in the field of paranormal studies Did still can't please his father. In a desperate move to buy time to find the girl of his dreams he kidnaps Zim and forces him to make a humiliating deal.
1. Contract of Motivation

Alright everyone! For those of you familiar with me you will recognize this as the rewrite of one of my stories (cowritten with a friend of mine), Tying the Grudge Knot. That story was written years ago, and though one of my favorites, needed some fine tuning. I am rewriting this story on my own, so any changes made are entirely on me and I hope I don't change too many of the things that you all really liked. I'm trying to keep most of the dialogue the way it was because that was one of my favorite things about the story in the first place, but I needed to go through and fill in some plot holes, remove things that were bothering me (like real world brands that had Vasquez-universe counterparts) and make the characters, especially Zim, closer to their original character (was anyone else BOTHERED by how girly I made him!) My friend did an amazing job with Dib though, I thought, so he will remain largely world will be expanded upon a lot more as well, filling up space where needed and painting a much more detailed picture for you, the readers.

Under My Skin may follow in the line of rewriting, and MAYBE Sri, but GAWD that story is so long and detailed already! The only thing I'd be changing in that one would be, again, how out of character Zim became. If you think it needs it let me know, and if enough people want to see me rewrite it then I will, but if no one is really that interested then I see no reason to do so.

* * *

They struggled and thrashed against each other, claws digging into human flesh while knuckles met with alien cheeks. Mechanical limbs sprouted from the Irken's pak and stabbed at the human, but he was quick to dodge.

"You're getting slow, Zim." Dib teased, panting slightly before wiping the blood off that was dripping down his cheek. "And it's about to rain, how much longer do you think you can last?"

Zim pulled himself up from the dirty concrete, one hand braced on the brick wall of the building next to him, the other holding his stomach tenderly. Blue blood soaked through the front of his shirt from a stab wound he'd acquired earlier in his fight against the human. He was quick to dispose of that knife, and was pretty sure it ended up in the dumpster closer to the front of the alley.

"You can't beat me, human!" Zim yelled, eyes narrowing. "You never have and you never will!"

Dib pulled out a small but clunky looking gun from the inside pocket of his coat, aiming it at Zim. "I wouldn't use the word 'never', space-boy. It always comes too soon." The gun gave three beeps and Dib pulled the trigger.

Zim gasped and dodged the small blast that erupted from the device in Dib's hand, tripping over his own mechanical spider leg, hearing the ping of something in it breaking.

He was panting and could hear his own heart beat in his head. This wasn't good; he was already so worn out!

The alien picked himself up, antennae quivering under his wig at the sound of thunder and the little pitter patter of rain on the ground.

Dib grinned cheekily at Zim, the stun-gun in his hand recharging. He pulled in closer to the Irken. "It hurts, doesn't it, Zim? The rain? Eating at your flesh like acid splashed in your eyes..." He continued walking closer to Zim, confident in his victory this time, and raising the gun to point at him. "One shot from this and you'll be immobile for at least thirty minutes. My own invention."

The comment Zim wanted to make caught in his throat as he tried not to let out a pained noise when the rain picked up, the drizzle becoming a downpour. He had to find shelter, quick!

He quickly tried to run when he heard the little three beeps from the gun once more, barely having time to register what that meant before he was hit dead on with a stunning blast.

Dib grinned and, not bothering to waste time gloating to the all but unconscious alien, picked him up and started heading toward his car.

Zim groaned, it was the only thing he could do at the moment. Well, he could think. Could think about how it was he lost.

Ever since Dib had become a famous paranormal investigator he'd been getting better and better and Zim couldn't seem to walk away from any fight between them anymore without gushing blood from somewhere! It was all that funding he was getting, Zim was sure. He was famous, so various TV channels and restaurants were lining up to give him money to fund his monster hunting inventions.

The car ride wasn't very long, as Dib hadn't moved very far from Zim when he left his father's house. In fact he'd moved closer, hoping to keep an eye on the alien.

Once there Dib hulled Zim up out of the car and into his home, right up to his room. Scattered about were various pieces of technology, both irken and human.

The human tossed the alien onto the bed, uncaring of how he landed.

Zim squeezed his eyes shut before he wrenched them open once more when Dib grabbed a device from the table near-by and rolled him over onto stomach. Dib sat himself down on the small of Zim's back, humming slightly as he pulled open the three panels on the alien pak.

"Nnn…stop," Zim was able to groan out, trying desperately to move his body.

"Not unless you make a deal with me." Dib said as he began picking at the inside of Zim's PAK, knowing exactly what to do from the hours he spent studying the blueprints.

"What… are you doing?" Zim gasped, hearing a few snaps, followed by the sound of his mechanical legs being thrown to the floor.

"Here's the deal." -Snap!- "I won't deactivate your PAK- if, and ONLY if you do me this favor. You have to agree to it first, though." He snapped off any other weapons that were inside the pak, feeling proud of himself now.

Zim was shaking. His pride was telling him to tell Dib where to put his deal, his rational mind telling him to just let Dib kill him, after all what Dib had planned couldn't be good for him or the empire, while his fear was telling him he didn't want to die, that at least while he was alive there was still a chance of conquering Earth. Finally his fear won out and he said, "Alright, alright, I'll-I'll do you this 'favor'."

"Wonderful!" Dib sung merrily, pulling over a small device from the table and now installing it into the PAK. "You see, I know we don't like each other, but I have this problem that I know _you_, with your infinite alien wisdom and your mastery of disguises…" the sarcasm was not lost on Zim. "Can help me with. I need you to pretend you're a chick so we can get married."

Zim could feel his antennae twitching in aggravation. Just what had he agreed to!

"We can work out what happens after that after we make a convincing couple." Dib continued. "In exchange- I won't try to expose you, and you'll get to keep your life." He patted the pak victoriously once the device was installed. "If you try to back out of this at anytime, or try to even access your pak without the right code, this bomb I placed in there will kill you."

Zim's fingers twitched as feeling began to return to him and he struggled to push himself up. "Marriage? Why would you want to enter into a life time of commitment with Zim? There are plenty of women, I'm sure," He rolled his eyes. "That would cut off fingers and toes to be your life partner. At least for monies."

"Are you backing out? Should I kill you now, then?" Dib asked, pulling off of the alien to let the other sit up, knowing the irken could do nothing now with his pak inaccessible. He scowled slightly as he thought about all of the women who DID want to marry him for the money.

Zim genuinely seemed to be considering it, his false eyes looking almost real as he stared at the floor in thought. Was being so close to the human, pretending to feel petty human emotions for the human, and putting up with the human, really worth his life?

Yes, he decided finally. Yes it was, if only for the mission, so as to not let his Tallests down!

He shook his head in response to Dib question, pouting angrily.

"Good!" Dib said mockingly. "Now let's tend to your wounds quickly before the mall closes. We'll need to take you shopping to make sure you at least look the part."

Zim scowled, not trusting himself to say anything to that. On Irk males and females basically wore the same thing, but here on Earth the gender roles were so different that everything about them had to be different! The clothes they wore, the food they ate, and the COLORS they painted their room! If any human male other than Dib had seen inside his base with all the pink and purple they might have assumed _Zim_ was female, just by the stereotypes they put themselves in!

Dib began treating Zim's wounds with a grin, helping the alien with his shirt off to get at the cuts and bruises with a disinfectant spray. He dabbed the more bloody ones with a cloth, being careful not to touch them so as not to get blood on himself or freak Zim out about germs or some stupid thing like that.

Zim hissed and flinched at his wounds were cleaned. Dib didn't seem to be going out of his way to be too gentle, not that Zim cared, it just hurt!

Finally the alien found his voice as he glared at Dib. "Why do you need to pretend to marry someone anyway? This is stupid." He asked.

Dib let out a lazy sigh, obviously distressed about the question.

"Despite how hard I try, and how famous I become for what I am, Dad won't accept me until I'm studying REAL SCIENCE and settle down with a nice girl." He said bitterly, wiping up some blood off of Zim's chest.

"Oh _I_ see now." Zim said in a condescending tone, unable to help himself. "Poor littler Dibbers, neglected as a smeet he longs for the attention he never got. Now as an adult he has the ability to please his father by taking on his legacy and establishing a family to provide for like a REAL man."

Dib glared ferociously at the Irken, grabbing the alien's arm and sticking his nail in one of the scratches there to show HIM who's a real man.

Zim let out a surprised scream, squirming away from the feeling of pain and the human's filthy hands before glaring angrily at both the once more bleeding scratch and the human.

Dib wiped the blood from his finger, glaring at the cloth he used, unable to look the alien in the eye after what had been said.

Zim could only scowl more. He was right, he KNEW he was right.

Dib glanced up at the irken, eyes catching on the glare before asking, "What the FUCK is your problem!" And throwing the cloth he'd been using to the side. He then grabbed another one and angrily put this oily substance on it, going back over the alien's wounds with it.

"What's my PROBLEM!" Zim yelled, looking genuinely shocked and outraged. "You knocked me out, you put a bomb in my PAK, and now I have to play your stupid lover just so you can impress your male genetic donor!"

Dib's facial expression didn't change except for maybe a roll of the eyes.

"So?" He asked. "We've been doing shit like this to each other for years. Besides, I think I set up a pretty good deal. You play pretend and I don't expose you as the alien scum you are." He then threw that cloth to the side, admiring his job of cleaning and sealing Zim's wounds. "And I'm not trying to impress my Dad. This is just something that's expected of me to do, as his son, you know?"

Zim gave Dib an unimpressed look. No, he really didn't know. "The only people us Irkens have to impress is our Tallest. No one cares about what anyone else thinks. Our leader's opinion is the only one that matters."

"Whatever," Dib said, rolling his eyes once more. He picked up the Irken's shirt and looked at it with disgust. "Well, you can't wear this out to go shopping. I'll see if I have anything that might fit you."

Zim himself looked disgusted. "I'm NOT wearing your filthy human clothes!" He shouted.

"You haven't got much of a choice, now have you?" Dib smirked, rummaging through his closet a little before throwing a thin sweater at the alien. "Here, put this on quick. And don't worry about the germs; I haven't worn that thing in years."

Zim scowled once again, looking at the plain blue sweater as though it would eat him. But, at the risk of being blown up for not wearing what he was told he pulled the sweater on over his head, pouting fiercely. Next he put his gloves on, not even wanting to consider leaving the house without then.

"Perfect," Dib said, looking to be very much enjoying this. He then turned his head up slightly, addressing the computer in his house, "Computer, hide all medical, offensive and defensives technologies."

The computer gave a groan before saying, "Fine," and the tray that Dib had been working from disappeared into the wall, along with the work table on the other side of the room.

"Now then," He said, grinning at Zim. "Let's get going before the mall closes."

"I hate you," Zim said as he followed Dib down the stairs, adjusting his wig.

"You say that like I should care." Dib said, turning back to Zim when he was on the bottom step. "Now, what kind of clothes would you like me to get you, _hunny_?"

Zim scowled. "I wouldn't."

"Right, let me rephrase." Dib said, raising an eyebrow. "What kind of clothes am I going to get you while I'm still giving you a choice in the matter?"

Zim growled before saying, "I don't care, I just don't want to stray too far from what I usually wear."

Dib rolled his eyes. "We'll see if we can manage that." With that the human turned to head back outside.

Zim crossed his arms over his chest in a defensive fashion. Despite their deal he couldn't shake the feeling like Dib WAS exposing him and his organs for the world to see. Like, being a slave to the human was almost as bad as being cut open and revealed.

"By the way," Dib said, once they were outside, which was only now slightly damp from the short rain they had, and he turned to lock the door. "I wouldn't even think about escaping if I was you, because you see, if you DO run and I decide not to kill you, the device in your pak can also be used to stun you."

Zim's eyes widened a fraction. Dib had thought of everything! That thought kept him rooted to his spot in the entranceway, even as Dib kept walking.

"You know," the human said, "This could be a learning experience for the both of us."

"Oh? And how's that?" Zim asked, glaring at Dib.

Dib stopped and turned back to the irken. "This could, and I know how this sounds, help us to understand each other better, you know? And maybe we'll be able to make peace."

"Right, because being a slave makes a person REAL receptive to another person's feelings." Zim spat.

Dib rolled his eyes, responding with the same harsh tone. "Like your race cares when they enslave another race."

Zim glared, unable to think of anything to say to that. Dib was right, of course, but Zim didn't care about those other races, he only cared about himself and his current problems.

"Just get in the car, Zim." Dib said, waving over at the passenger's side door as he walked over to the driver's side.

Zim took a step toward the car, but made no other move than that, saying, "Go rot on Blorch!"

"If I do, will you please kindly JOIN me?"

"Not KINDLY..." Zim said, calming down once he realized he really had nothing to add to that.

Dib gave him a dull expression, leaning on the door of the car slightly. "Then please get in?"

Zim stomped his foot on the ground, deciding to act like a smeet. "Your head is full of smell!"

"I have so many things I want to say to that- but can't find a way to say 'm all at once." Dib let a half smile grace his face, looking in front of him. "I want to hurt you- but not right after I cleaned you up, so won't you PLEASE get in so I don't have to shock you?"

Zim tensed but got into the car, crossing his arms once more and pouting like an angry child.

Dib also got in the car, starting it up and driving off down the road toward the mall.

* * *

Review please! Constructive criticism appreciated, love is loved!

Dib was originally played by my friend Kriss.

Zim played by me.


	2. Beautiful Contract

So, I've decided to update this three times a week, but not really regularly, probably any random three days out of the week that I feel like it, though I will try and stick mostly to week days since those are hell and maybe my updating will help to brighten that some for people.

Anyway, this is the chapter where my Zim started to get bad, but some of Zim's girlyness is unavoidable to get certain parts of the writing across so it makes sense later (if THAT sentance made any sense, I don't even know, I'm very tired.) So, instead of actually changing the girly behavior I more changed the... nature of it. Hopfully you'll see what I mean and approve, I don't want to outright say what it is exactly that I did because then you'll see it even if it doesn't really accomplish anything.

Uh, so, yeah, that's it. Enjoy, and thank you to those of you who reviewed and I didn't get a chance to reply to yet! I love you and try to reply to everyone but sometimes I forget or you don't have an account here and that makes me feel guilty and sad.

* * *

The ride to the mall was silent but for the occasional pitter patter of water falling on the windshield of the car either from the car in front of them or the trees that hung over the road.

Zim spent most of the ride inspecting his hand, trying to seem as nonchalant as possible though he was fuming inside.

"I'm keeping my gloves." He said finally, the mall now in sight.

"Why? Do you need them or something?" Dib asked, curiously. He was really glad for the absence of silence though. "If you want, you can keep 'm. I don't care."

"Of course I need them." Zim snapped. "You planet is filthy. Besides, I refuse to allow your disgusting human skin to touch my own in the event that affection would need to be shown."

"So you'd rather not touch me physically. That's fine. I don't plan on us needing to touch that much anyway." Dib reassured, pulling into the parking lot and following the line of cars also trying to find spaces.

Zim crossed his arms once more. He'd been under the impression that his amazing acting skills would be needed more, but this arrangement worked for him.

"What are we going to do about my hair?" He ran a hand through his wig hair which was still in that same hair do as when he first arrived on Earth.

"There's a place in the mall that sells wigs. Shouldn't be that hard to find one you're comfortable with." He said, staring at the car in front of him. A smile graced his face. "You're really getting into this, aren't you?"

"Do not read so much into this Dib-beast, I am merely curious. I think I have the right to know what's going to be done to my appearance." Zim said, poking Dib's shoulder, not wanting to punch the human because he was driving and Zim did not trust human vehicles.

Dib smiled a bit warmer now, pulling into a parking space and asking, "How are your wounds? Is the medicine working alright?"

"Zim is fine," The alien said, sounding as self-important as always. He opened the door and quickly got out of the car before adding, "Let's just get this over with. I hate this place."

"Whatever," Dib said, grabbing Zim's clawed hand and pulling him along into the building, completely forgetting about their conversation just moments ago.

Zim tensed a moment, pouting angrily at the hand on his own, gloved one before focusing on the path they were taking, not wanting to provoke the human into stunning him by saying anything.

They entered the building in the shoe section of a popular department store and Dib looking around a bit before finding the woman's section, petite, of course, because of Zim's lack of overall body mass.

"We'll buy some of the essentials here, like pants, a few shirts, and maybe a skirt or two, then we can go into the mall and find some place to get some accessories like the wig and jackets and stuff." Dib said, before realizing he'd been holding the alien's hand and quickly dropped it.

Zim rubbed his hand a little nervously before looking around. There were plenty of black slacks, that caught his eye, along with shirts of similar color to what he usually wore, and together Dib and Zim figured out what sizes he'd wear. They got two pairs of the black pants, along with several pairs of jeans in different cuts and washes, a few of the reddish-pink shirts and a black one. Once they had a good amount of clothes they went and paid before heading out into the mall.

"So where do you want to go for the rest of it?" Dib asked, carrying one bag of clothes while Zim carried another.

"I don't know." Zim snapped. This was becoming increasingly humiliating. "I don't know anything about human fashion."

Dib sighed. "You've been on earth for HOW long now? Surely you remember what the kids at school would wear. Stuff like that- only of what you like."

Zim looked around, trying to think of what he's seen human females wear that he liked. Thinking of nothing he sighed and put a hand over his eyes and blindly pointed at a store, deciding to just pick a random store and look at what they had.

"A prep store." Dib snickered. "Okay. I'm marrying a prep!" He had to put his hand over his mouth to keep him from breaking out in laughter.

"Then you pick!" Zim almost yelled, crossing his arms and pouting.

Dib frowned, looking around before pointing to a dark looking store with various band t-shirts displayed in the window. "That store seems more to your tastes."

"Whatever you say, Dib-stink." Zim said, wondering if the human's comment was good or bad.

"Let's go," Dib said, leading Zim to the store. Most of the clothes in stores like that were tight fitting, even for the guys, so he figured they'd find some kind of jacket or whatever else in there that would magnify Zim's already slim, girly figure.

Zim followed Dib closely, eyeing various innocent looking statues. But he knew they were not so innocent, oh no.

"Helloooo, may I be of assistance?" A very friendly looking guy and came over beaming brightly at the two. His hair was short along the sides and spiked almost straight up at the top. Various piercings littered his face and he wore almost all black but for the flashy, rainbow accessories that covered his wrists, neck, and even his shoe laces. Pins littered his shirt, proclaiming various rude comments about preps, girls, and his own sexual preference. "Wait- don't I know you from somewhere?" He asked then, giving Dib a good look over.

TV, probably, Dib thought before shaking his head and saying, "Nope, we've never met."

"Oh, okay," The man hummed, still looking puzzled.

Dib was just going to brush the man off then when he figured he might as well take the offered help, as this guy probably knew more about fashion than either of them.

"Yeah, so uh... Make this-" Dib gestured to Zim. "-into a hot chick please."

Zim gave Dib a small glare. Did the human really just refer to him as 'this?'

Dib grinned back at Zim tautly as the man walked over to the Irken.

The man looked Zim over from top to bottom, eyeing him like some kind of psychic measuring tape, taking in the alien's figure and posture.

"Alright. Can do. And you- my queen- shall be SEXY." He said, quickly turning and grabbing all kind of jewelry, holding them up to Zim's skin to see how they would look, putting some back, and throwing others onto the counter. He also grabbed some make-up, humming and hawing and treating them the same as the jewelry. He then grabbed various hair clips, arm warmers, stockings, shirts, a lot of which showed the belly, jackets, skirts, tight fitting pants, boots, and buttons. When he was done he walking behind the counter, asking, "Would you be interested in our rewards card then, sir?"

Dib shook his head 'no' and just handed the man his card and ID before turning to Zim and asking, "So what do you think, _hunny_?" He smirked as Zim's scowl.

"You don't want to know what I think, DEAR." The alien replied, crossing his arms.

Once everything was paid for and bagged, and Dib's plastic was safely back in his wallet, they left the store, laden down with more bags.

"Next is the wig," Dib said, pointing to a shop with all kinds of mannequins in the window, naked but for the colorful, stylish wigs on their heads.

"Fantastic," Zim said sarcastically, rolling his eyes as they neared the store.

Dib slowed down to be right next to Zim. "Anything the matter?"

"Why do you care?" Zim asked, genuinely curious before saying, "No, I'm just a little unmotivated to feel excited about this big plan of yours."

Dib opened his mouth, about to give Zim several reasons as to why he would care, but thought better of it and shrugged, saying, "I don't, but you're my fiancé' so I have to at least act like it."

Zim stopped in his tracks, face suddenly one of realization as something in his head clicked together.

Dib stopped; they were almost in the store. "What?" He asked, looking as Zim in confusion.

Zim smirked and held out his left hand. Just because he'd agreed to this plan didn't mean he was going to make it easy on the human.

"Where's my ring?"

Dib suddenly look pissed, dropping his head into his hand. "You've got to be fucking kidding."

Zim shifted so all his weight was on one foot and tilted his chin up, asking, "And when your father asks where your bride-to-be's ring is you're going to saaaaaaay...?"

Dib found himself blushing slightly at the way Zim's hips looked so... girly when he stood like that.

"FINE!" He hissed out. "AFTER we get your wig- we'll go get an f'ing ring already!" He narrowed his eyes at the adorable Zim before turning sharply around to go into the wig shop.

Zim's smirk widened into a victorious grin as he followed Dib, his attitude lifting as Dib's fell.

The shelves were lined with row upon row of fashionable wigs and hats, a stand for jeweled hair accessories near the counter on the far side of the store.

A woman quickly came up to help them, looking herself like she was wearing one of the wigs.

"Here, this one would look good on you," She said, pulling a dark red wig off its holder on the shelf. The red appealed to Zim greatly and they tried it on over his current wig. The cut came just passed his chin in the front, with bangs that swooped to the side to frame his face, and the back was very short, coming to where a natural hairline would be on any human person.

"And the red offsets the… greenness of your skin." She pointed out, hoping that would be a selling point.

"I like it," Zim said, grinning up at Dib.

"Great," Dib said, doing his best to sound happy through his now foul mood. "Let's get it and go."

The woman rung them up, and Zim quickly switched his old wig with the new one, playing with the hair a little bit until he was satisfied that it would stay out from in front of his eyes.

On their way out of the mall Zim pointed out a jewelry store, reminding Dib they had something else they needed to buy.

Dib's eyes narrowed at all of the people in the diamond store, asking, "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Why shouldn't I?" Zim asked, unable to keep the smirk off his face. "I may have to pretend to love you Dib, but I never agreed to make it easy for you."

"Never say 'I love you Dib' ever again unless it's around my father or somebody equally important, got it?" Dib hissed back, finding that phrase sent disgusting chills up his spine when he heard it. They stepped into the sparkling diamonds store. "Have fun."

"Aw, but Dibbers..." Zim whined before taking a look around the shop and, turning back to Dib with his hands on his hips said, "You're supposed to pick it out for me."

Dib felt the spasming of a muscle in his face. Dibbers?

He stared at Zim's girlish posture for a while, and then grimaced. "FINE." He whined painfully going up to the counters and looking down in them to find a rock nice enough for his Dad to approve. After much searching he finally found a ring worthy enough to show off to his dad. "That one. Do you like it, 'Hunny'?" Dib called him over, pointing to an almost $7000 white gold engagement ring with three large stones set in it and much smaller stones around the whole band.

Zim walked over, gazing at the ring before trying to smile and saying, "It's boo-tiful!" In as girly a fashion as he could.

"I'll take that one." Dib motioned for the jeweler to come over, a bit surprised Zim didn't give him a much harder time with picking it, though less surprised at Zim's horrible attempt at acting. The ring was fitted to Zim's finger and he paid the man and took the bag, coughing nervously. He looked around with a tint of red on his cheek, debating on kneeling to give the ring to Zim, but decided on the much less traditional way and just handed the box to Zim.

Zim was about to protest and make Dib kneel but, seeing Dib blush, made him decide to wait. He could always make Dib do it in front of his father later.

"So when do I get to 'meet' your parents?" Zim asked, getting much too used to having his hip to one side like a teenage girl with an attitude.

"You meet Dad tomorrow at a fancy restaurant. M'mm, sounds like fun, huh?" Dib rolled his eye, slinging his hands behind his head and staring upwards. "That alright with you?"

"Looooads of fun," Zim said sarcastically and with a slightly absent minded tone.

"Well, I think that's it, let's go 'home.'" Dib said, walking out of the shop with Zim following him closely.

The alien eyed the statues as they left the mall, sure that they were watching him closely, as though they remembered.

Dib left the building and started for his car, muttering something about 'stupid Zim' and 'taking advantage of the situation' and 'acting so girly'. He threw the bags into the back seat before crawling into the driver's seat, waiting for Zim.

"You asked for this, DIB, when you decided to force Zim to be your love pig." Zim said once he was in his seat.

Dib started the car and headed for home. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Geez. And you're not my 'love pig'. I have no interest you in that way. It just sort of had to be this way is all."

"Why DID you chose Zim?" Zim asked curiously, turning to Dib. "You're famous now, you could have any _female_ you wanted and you choose me, why?"

Dib held on to the steering wheel tightly, saying, "That's just it. I CAN have any woman I want. But… none of them actually care for me. They're all shallow; they just want my fame and money." He glared at a license plate ahead which read PWN J00. "They drive me insane. I want a real relationship, not just a crappy-ass 'I love you, so can you marry me so I can have all of your possessions?' thing. If I marry you, I can keep you out of trouble, yet play you as my 'wife' for a while to appease Dad. You're fast and convenient. While we play out a fake relationship, I'll have more time to fall in love with somebody who can actually love me back for who I am. Then I'll drop you like a rock, give you your life back, and marry her. I just need to get the marriage thing out of the way because of Dad." He explained, seething some.

Zim stayed silent, feeling a little offended at being called fast and convenient.

"Besides," Dib added. "At least we have something in common so we can actually have intelligent conversations. I could have just paid someone to pretend to be my wife, but I'd rather be living with an alien that I can talk to than a woman I can't stand."

Zim seemed to perk up a little, asking, "You think I'm intelligent?"

"Well, yeah. Don't you?" Dib kept his focus on the road, not even glancing at Zim to see his reactions.

"Yes..." Zim said in a 'duh' sort of way.

Dib smirked. "Then why question me?"

"Because, Dib-beast, I was not aware that you'd finally caught on to Zim's BRILLIANCE." Zim said, motioning with a hand just how brilliant he was.

The rest of the drive was comfortably quiet until they pulled into the drive way, Dib saying, "I set up a room for you so we don't have to sleep together." He poked out his tongue at the thought of them actually having to do that.

"Good," Zim said, nodding in approval.

Dib mumbled, stepping into the house with armfuls of bag. "I hope you liked your ring..."

"I do like it actually. Now when are you going to get on one knee and propose to Zim properly? Here in the privacy of your own home? Or in front of your father and about fifty other people you don't even know?" Zim asked, smirking once more.

"Do I -have- to propose?" Dib asked, dropping the bags and wondering since when was Zim in charge of this plan? "I was kind of hoping it would be a silent agreement."

"Of course you would," Zim said, shrugging, "But I don't care."

Dib blushed like mad, slowly reaching for the box with the ring in it in his pocket.

"You're serious?" The human slowly got down on one knee, feeling very similar to a slave or a pet right then from that angle looking up at Zim in a girl wig. "This is so crazy..."

"Really?" Zim asked, smirking down at Dib. "From this point-of-view it's rather amusing."

Dib glared up at Zim, and had to quickly look away, face red as a rose. He held out the box and opened it slowly. "Zim… Will you… marry me?" He was going to DIE, he just KNEW.

Zim pretended to ponder for a moment, rolling the question over in his mind and dragging out his response until he was sure Dib WOULD die of embarrassment. He then held his left hand out and said, "Of course."

* * *

Gay Sales Person- Kriss

Wig Lady- Me

Please review! ^^


	3. Contract of Obliviousness

Hey there guyz! Sorry this took a little longer than I thought it would to update because I'm trying to rearange my room and things are getting put... in their proper place... and I tend to forget where that is, so my flash drivey thingy with all the stories on it got lost in it's place and so I just didn't get around to posting.

Anyway! Enough with my excuses. This chapter was a little hard to write because in the original version of chapter three this is where Zim started to get insanly feminen. Unfotunaly most of Dib's reactions are hard to keep they way they are when I'm changing Zim's entire personality around, so from this chapter on more and more things have to be changed and so if I'm late again in updating, I'm sorry, but it's because, you know, I sucked at writing three years ago. (Was it three? I'm too lazy to check.)

Enjoy and review, it's what keeps me going at three in the morning!

* * *

Zim lay in bed, examining the ring on his clawed finger. Dib had gone to bed early with a warning that he wouldn't be able to escape, leaving Zim to find his room on his own and he quickly made himself comfortable.

Well, as comfortable as one could be in the enemy's house.

The alien took the ring off and left it on the nightstand before getting up and heading downstairs, unable to make himself go to sleep. Not that he needed sleep, he just liked to because there wasn't much to do at night. When he got to the living room he plopped himself down on the couch and turned the TV on, finding something that would amuse him well enough before looking around.

The house resembled the human's father's house in shape but was much larger and was without the Membrane memorabilia. The walls were mostly painted dark, calming colors like blues and greens and the furniture matched almost too perfectly, seeming to blend in to the surroundings.

On the end table next to the couch were a couple of photos of Dib's family, one of Dib, his father and his sister, one of just his sister, and one of a woman that the alien had never seen before. He picked the photo up and examined it closely, deciding that that must have been Dib's female genetic donor, his mother. She was quite pretty with purple hair, like his sister's, and amber eyes. She was smiling and seemed happy, and Zim found himself wondering why he'd never met her.

Zim lost interest in the photo quickly though, going back to watching TV and setting the photo back down.

* * *

Dib came down the stairs at a little after six-thirty, yawning and heading to the kitchen to get something to drink, asking, "What are you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep," Zim said, curling up at one end of the couch, staring with interest at something someone was selling on TV. "Tell me, does this powdery substance really make your race stronger?"

Dib came into the living room with his glass of milk and watched the infomercial a bit before saying, "Only when you actually exercise."

Zim hummed and nodded, watching a little more before losing interest in the substance and turning to Dib, asking, "Will I meet your female parent?"

"What?" Dib asked, figuring he'd heard the alien wrong.

"Your female genetic donor, will I meet her?" Zim asked.

Dib's calm expression turned to one of hurt and disgust. "You think that's funny?"

"What are you talking about?" Zim asked, offended.

"My mother's _dead_. You know that!" The human turned to look away. "That's sick of you."

"No, Zim knew nothing of your mother, and why should I?" Zim defended himself, looking aggravated.

Dib folded his arms glancing away. "I just thought you'd figure it out. You've never seen her. It's only logical to think she's either dead or divorced Dad. It's stupid to have thought that all of a sudden she'd be here, just to meet her son's fiancé." Despite how sharp his words were, his face carried a certain lingering hurt to it.

"I never thought about it. I just figured she was away all the time like your father."The alien shrugged before getting up and heading into the kitchen, hoping there was something in there for him to eat.

Dib sighed, looking at the picture of his mother on the end table. He wondered for a moment if he should apologize for jumping at Zim like that, but thought better of it and just went back to watching the TV, taking the remote and trying to find a channel that was actually playing something other than infomercials at almost seven in the morning.

When the silence got too much for them Dib looked up from the TV and called to the alien rummaging through his kitchen. "You should go pick out an outfit to wear to meet my father."

"Why?" Zim asked, finally finding some bread and toasting it. "When do I 'meet' him?"

"Tonight," Dib replied. "We're meeting him at a fancy restaurant for dinner."

Zim felt his squeedily-spooch go cold.

"Tonight?"

"Yeah," Dib said. "I called him last night, I told you it would be today." He then paused before asking, "You're not worried are you?"

"No, of course not." Zim said smugly, glaring at Dib. This was just Professor Membrane after all. This was just the man who was described as the person without whom the planet would fall into chaos. Why should he, a member of an alien species be worried?

"Good, then let's go pick something out." Dib said, getting up and giving a stretch before heading up the stairs, motioning Zim to follow, which he did.

Once in Zim's room the alien pulled all the clothes out of the shopping bags, laying them out over the bed and giving them a good look over. Something for a fancy restaurant, right?

"The black slacks would probably be best, so just find an outfit around that." Dib said, pointing to a pair of the nice black pants.

"Like what?" Zim asked, raising a nonexistent brow at Dib.

"Whatever you like most. That's the whole point of getting dressed, it's what you like and feel like for that day." Dib said, lazily putting his arms behind his head.

Zim scowled and gave a distressed sound. He'd worn one outfit almost his whole life, how was he supposed to choose from such a huge variety?

After a few minutes of Zim just standing there and staring at all the clothes Dib finally took mercy on the alien and picked up a long sleeved, pink shirt and handed it to Zim, "Here, this shirt comes off the shoulders a bit, and Dad would probably appreciate the show."

Zim looked at the shirt before saying, "Okay."He then put the item down and began to remove his clothes, not feeling at all modest.

Dib just stood there, watching a moment before blushing upon realization that Zim was suddenly half naked. Quickly he left the room, closing the door behind him, deciding he had better get dressed as well.

Zim didn't even seem to notice Dib's behavior, pulling the clothes on that the human had picked out for him, along with the wig, and his contacts. When he was done he hummed, shirt clinging to him tightly, the neckline nice and wide and indeed, showing a lot of skin.

Next to be replaced were his gloves, then the ring, Zim flexing his fingers to make sure everything was securely in its place before leaving his room to look for Dib.

Once Dib was dressed, his own black slacks a little baggy and hanging off of him slightly, and a black dress shirt with paint splatter on it to give him that, "edgy millionaire" look, he too left to look for Zim, pausing when he noticed the alien in his new clothes.

"Z-Z-Zim?" Dib asked, unable to keep his voice even from the amount of shock that hit him. "You-you look-…." The human paused again, wanting to pick his words carefully. Finally he composed himself enough to say, "You look acceptable."

Zim narrowed an eye at Dib, unsure if he should be flattered or not before holding out his hands, which held various accessories and make-ups, saying, "I don't know how to put your human face paint on."

"If.. you want, I could TRY to help you put some on.. But I'm a guy... so I don't really know either." Dib mumbled lightly, looking down at the contents of Zim's hands.

Zim just rolled his eyes and together they retreated for the bathroom, going through all the makeup and throwing away what they couldn't use, like mascara and foundation. Once that was out of the way they set to work painting Zim's face, first fluffing blush on his cheeks, the carefully administering the eyeliner and eye shadows, followed by some lip gloss, not bothering with lipstick, as that would just make Zim look too painted, what with his green skin.

"You probably don't need too much jewelry," Dib said, looking at all the bits and pieces they'd gotten. "This should do it," He picked out a necklace from the pile of chains and beads, unclasping it and motioning for Zim to move the hair of his wig, which he did.

Dib moved his arms around Zim's neck, clasping the necklace around it so it hung just below his collar bone.

Zim jumped when he felt human fingers touch the back of his neck and quickly glared at the human, saying, "I hope you washed your hands," quickly before getting up and adding, "I'm going to go get my toast." He then left the backroom, Dib hearing the alien boots stomping down the steps and he frowned.

That was weird.

With a shrug he went to go get his own shoes and finish getting himself ready.

Zim caught a look of himself in the full length mirror in the living room, stopping to turn this way and that. He really did pull off the female thing well, he decided. He should have tried disguising himself as one a long time ago.

Dib came down the stairs, boots clunking with each step and he looked over at Zim.

"Vain, much?" He asked and strolled over to the alien getting a good look of himself as well.

"I've been hanging around you too much." Zim replied, brushing back a little hair out of his face.

"If that was the case, you'd be good looking." Dib retorted, his own ego making an entrance.

Zim turned to glare at Dib, sticking his tongue out.

Dib smirked, finding victory in this. "Oh! How are your injuries, anyway?" Dib asked, now turning to peak down Zim's shirt.

"They are fine." Zim said, lifting his shirt up. "Most of them are healed, only the ones that got water in them are still sore."

Dib smiled and almost touched one of the scars but decided against that. "I'm getting better." He said, feeling proud of the marks he had left on his soon-to-be-bride, unaware of how wrong that was.

"You'd like to think that wouldn't you." Zim said, giving Dib a smirk before lightly, almost affectionately, running a hand over the claw marks on Dib's face.

Dib's face grew hot and his eyes widen, taking hesitant step away from Zim.

"W-what was that?"

"Just admiring my handiwork." Zim said, still smirking. He vaguely wondered why Dib got so nervous, but pushed the thought away, not really caring, just liking the reaction.

It took Dib a moment to realize what the irken was talking about before he put ha hand to his face, feeling the deep scratch-marks those cursed claws left him with. He had focused so hard on Zim last night that he forgot to fix up his own wounds. He glared at a wall, hand still on his face. "You have an unfair advantage over me, though. You got yours cleaned and fixed."

"That and your human body is so slow to heal." Zim said as if agreeing. "But it doesn't change the fact that those will last quite a while, while mine will be healed with in the week."

Dib groaned in annoyance, how did Zim turn things around on him so quickly?

"It doesn't matter, let's just focus on our act. We meet up with Dad around six." The humans said, eager for a subject change.

"Yes, how are we going to go about that, anyway?" Zim asked, crossing his arms. "You said a lot of touching wouldn't be required, but won't your dad expect more than holding hands since we're engaged?"

"Just some hugging, maybe a peck on the cheek at the most." Dib said with a shrug. "That's not a whole lot."

Zim scowled. "That's a lot more than not a lot." He then thought about that statement a moment before deciding that didn't work and rephrased, "That's more than I excepted based on your original estimate."

Dib rolled his eyes. "Come on, you watch enough TV, we can do this, just do like the characters on those TV shows do." The human then opened his arms some and hesitantly stepped up to put them around the other in a very guy-hugging-his-best-guy-friend kind of way.

Zim hesitantly did the same, careful not to lean into the hug lest Dib get the wrong idea. It was awkward.

"Uh… I don't think this is working, Zim."

The two didn't pull back though, instead trying to shift so it looked less awkward, ending with Zim's cheek resting on Dib's chest and arms loosened around the human's hips, while Dib's chin rested on top of the alien head, his own arms around the girly waste.

After only a moment of this they pushed away.

"Too much of that shouldn't be necessary." Dib said quickly, trying to rub the blush from his cheeks.

"Good," Zim said, brushing his arms as though that would get rid of the human's germs.

"Kissing though…." Dib said, but trailed off when Zim gave him a horrified look.

"Maybe we should focus on interacting with each other for now." The alien said, holding his hands up like a shield.

"Well, I can call you Zimma… That sounds kind of girlish… I could also call you 'Hun', 'dear', 'sugar bunny', or variety of other names. What would you call me?" Dib asked, waiting to hear things he'd have to deny or approve.

"Don't call me sugar bunny and I won't call you 'insane pig-smelly." Zim said, looking unimpressed over all at the pet names. "How about I just call you, Dib? If I need to think up a cutesy nickname later then I will."

"Whatever," Dib said, rolling his eyes. "Now about kissing…." Again, the response he got from Zim was not instilling him with any confidence. "Don't worry, we will NOT be sucking face, but a peck or two on the cheek or lips might be needed."

Zim stuck his tongue out in disgust, to which Dib frowned.

"What are you complaining for?" He asked the alien. "You have lip gloss on to protect your lips. I don't."

"Ugh," Zim grimaced but nodded, asking, "So, what, we just do it?"

"Yeah," Dib said, not sounding quite as confident as he had moments before. Still, he took Zim by the shoulders, steadying the irken as he leaned forward, eyes squeezed shut and quickly pecking Zim on the lips.

Zim did his best not to flinch back, pursing his lips as much as he could.

When the human pulled back Zim had to turn his face away, sticking his tongue out in a show of disgust. "I don't think we're going to survive this!"

"What, are you weakening Zim?" Dib asked, rubbing residual lip gloss from his own mouth, hoping this little show of confidence would cover up his own disgust and give Zim enough kick in the pants to grin and bear it. "I thought you were some advanced alien species or something. Was I wrong?"

"I am!" Zim argue, standing up and doing his best to loom over Dib. "And don't you forget it, stink-beast!"

"How could I?" Dib asked, smirking and standing to remind Zim of who was REALLY taller here.

"Now, how about for lunch we go out?" The human asked, looking at the door. "That way we can practice pretending we like each other in public."

"Whatever," Zim said, rolling his eyes and pouting. Damn, tall humans.

* * *

Quick poll. Would you want to see the other two stories in this series rewritten? Why or why not?


	4. Contract of the Intoxicated

Yay! Chapter four!

Really quick. I don't know how many of you, my readers out there, are also writers here at ff.n, but I have a question for you all. No one seems to have noticed it here yet (or if they have no one has mentioned it), and really I've only noticed it in the first chapter, but bits and pieces of my writing that I know I wrote, seem to have disappeared. Like in my intro of the first chapter, in my sentence about Dib, it seems to have run off with words missing. If you notice this occurring (sentences running into others and not seeming to make sense) please let me know. Granted I don't know how to fix it, but it would be helpful to know when it happens.

I also know that it's not my fault because a lot of the times when it does happen, it seems to be the sentences that I've thought a lot about the wording of.

In other news, chapter eight sucks. I can't wait to get done with writing THAT one.

* * *

Once lunch time rolled around Dib lead Zim out of the house and to the car, looking for all the world like he was about to throw up.

"This was your idea." Zim had to remind him as he got into the passenger side of the car.

"That doesn't mean I have to enjoy it." Dib pointed out, getting in as well, starting up the car, and pulling out of the driveway.

They drove for a bit before Dib said, "Since you're the chick you know you're the one that has to plan the wedding, right?"

Zim looked at Dib a moment, letting the information process before yelling, "WHAT!"

Dib cringed at the yell, mumbled something about noise under his breath.

"I know nothing of your human weddings! How am I supposed to plan one!"

"Don't you watch TV, like, all the time?" Dib asked, keeping his face stoic, but on the inside he was enjoying listening to the alien squirm.

"Not annoying shows about marriage!" Zim yelled. "You're rich! Can't you hire someone!"

Dib sighed and rolled his eyes, saying, "Fine, whatever."

A very dirty thought suddenly popped into his head, making him glare hard at the road in focus.

"Good," Zim said, nodding before looking at the human, noticing the glare. "What's your problem?"

"Why do YOU care?" Dib asked bitterly like Zim had the night before.

"I _don't_," Zim said, crossing his arms.

"If I told you, it would only make you mad." Dib sighed, his facial features softening some on the road.

Zim rolled his eyes. "Doesn't stop you any other time, being that EVERYTHING you say makes me mad."

Dib glowered. "FINE! If you wanna know so badly I'll tell you! I-" He couldn't spit it out. His face grew red from the disgustingly horrible thought he had that distracted him so. "I was thinking about ..." He searched his brain quickly and lied. "... How ugly you'd look in a wedding dress." There! That was good. That would be convincing, right?

Zim scowled, completely convinced.

"You're so charming." He spat. "No wonder you're marrying a nice girl with a beautiful laugh and amazing personality! Oh, wait, you aren't! You're so desperate for attention you had to kidnap an alien and FORCE him to marry you!"

Deeply offended about being called ugly Zim slouched in his seat and pouted angrily at every living thing they passed.

The air hung heavy with tension then, and though Dib was outraged by that comment he couldn't help but feel an equal helping of hurt.

"Z-Zim..." The human started, but couldn't figure out what he wanted to say. 'You're ugly', 'sorry', or 'you're right'? So he just stayed quiet for a while longer before asking, "W-why do you think… he's like that..? Did I ever fuck up that bad..?"

Zim glared at Dib once more. How should he know?

Dib let out a small 'ha', choking down his sadness and swallowing it with mustered up humor. "You're right, though. I suck. It's no wonder I can't find a girl who likes me for who I am… it's no wonder I have to do all of this to prove myself to Dad. Thanks Zim."

Zim looked at Dib consideringly for a moment, feeling lucky he didn't have to prove himself to anyone… everyone already knew how awesome Zim was.

"You don't... 'suck', Dib- stink." He finally said, but tried not to make it sound like he was apologizing or sympathizing. "Because if you did then I would also 'suck' because you were able to capture me, and Zim does not 'suck'; Zim is amazing, the best!"

The corners of Dib's lips upturned slightly in humor. "Yeah, I guess you've got a point there…." He smiled more fully. "And, just to let you know, I wasn't actually thinking about how ugly you'd be in a wedding-dress." He laughed, trying to apologies in his own way.

Zim smirked at that, asking teasingly, "Then you were thinking of how fabulous Zim would look in a wedding dress?"

"It has nothing to do with the wedding dress." Dib admitted. Oh no, it was much worse than the wedding dress. It was what would be worn AFTER the wedding dress if the was an actual relationship and not a scam.

Zim looked confused, asking, "Then what WERE you thinking about?"

"It's a human thing, don't worry about it." Dib said, hoping that would make Zim just drop it.

Zim pouted but shook his head, saying, "Fine, feel lucky that, being a much more advanced species, I need not concern myself with your pathetic human thoughts."

Even as he said that Zim desperately wanted to know what the human had been thinking.

Dib sighed in relief when Zim dropped it, indeed feeling very lucky.

Once in the parking lot of a fancy looking place Dib shut off the ignition and turned to Zim saying, "From this point on I'm going to start calling you Zimma," he paused, looking down from a moment in thought before back up and adding, "I'll get the door for you."

With that the human got out of the car and went around to the passenger side and getting the door for his 'lady' friend. Zim got out and looked up at the place.

Dib had taken Zim to a somewhat fancy restaurant, the kind that high class business men and women went to, to either make business deals, impress potential clients, or to secretly neck at a table in the back behind a decorative potted tree. The human offered his arm in what would be an appropriate manner and, hesitantly, Zim took it.

Dib led Zim into the restaurant, walking up to the hostess. "Table for two." He said, giving Zim the warmest smile he could, this was more for his benefit than the woman's though.

The woman, a blonde with way too much lip stick, stared at the two a moment, more interested in how they were dressed for such a fancy restaurant than the color of Zim's skin or what a 'cute' couple they made. Finally she seemed to blink herself out of the daze and smiled, saying, "Right this way."

The woman led the two to a table in the back where the light was low and they were still within hearing range of the other diners, but barely within sight.

"Will this do?" The woman asked.

"I think so, what about you, Dear?" Dib asked, nudging Zim slightly with his arm, effectively smothering the alien's glare that was directed at the floor.

"Y-yeah," Zim said, nodding quickly, just wanting the hostess to leave.

The hostess took the hint… or at least a hint, and quickly smiled, putting down the menus and saying, "Your waiter will be with you shortly." And almost dashing off.

Dib walked around and pulled a chair out for Zim, who quickly sat down. The human then took the chair next to his alien fiancé, saying, "Great spot, slightly dimmed lights, other people's view obscured, woman playing the piano not far away. This table practically does the acting for us. We look like a couple just sitting here."

"How long do we have to stay here?" Zim asked, looking over his menu as Dib did the same.

"As long as the meal is." Dib said with a shrug. "Feel free to order whatever you want, don't worry about prices or anything."

Zim wasn't even looking at the prices, not caring in any way, shape, or form, mostly just squinting confusedly at the curly writing explaining what made up each dish. It was getting hard for him to choose. Everything was made so confusingly, fried, grilled, baked, covered in these sauces or this sauce and topped with cheese or rosemary or some things he couldn't even pronounce. Why did humans consider things that were more complicated better?

Pretty soon the waiter came, asking, "Can I start you two off with something to drink and maybe an appetizer?"

Dib reached over the table, putting his menu down and taking Zim's hand from his own menu, flinching slightly as he felt the texture of the alien glove. This was good though, this was why they were out practicing.

"Zimma, dear?" He asked, making the alien look up. "What would you like to drink?"

Zim almost yanked his hand away when he felt the touch, but was proud he didn't as he replied, "Just a poop cola."

The waiter wrote that down before turning to Dib. "And for you?"

"I'll have a strawberry daiquiri." Dib said.

The waiter wrote that down as well before quickly leaving, feeling a tension between the two of them that could very easily be misunderstood as something other than aggression.

Dib quickly let go of the hand and Zim went back to looking over the menu, wanting to decide on something quickly so they could get this over with.

"What's this?" Zim asked, pointing to something. "Does that have meat in it?"

Dib looked at the menu before shaking his head. "No, I think that would be alright for you." He said. "It's just some pasta stuffed with cheeses. The pasta is made with water, but enough should be off of it by the time it gets here that it would only be a little spicy."

"I'm getting the shrimp." The human then said, putting his menu down. Zim stuck his tongue out at the thought of the little sea creatures, but didn't say anything about that.

Dib set the menus on the side to the table and looked over at Zim. Then at the flame. He snatched the flame up in his fingers a few times, watching it recline on its wick and come back with vengeance and he sighed, not knowing what to say.

It was Zim who finally broke the silence, staring at Dib for a moment before asking, "Dib, are you gay?"

The human's face went red at the very thought of it.

"No… Why?" He stopped playing with the flame to notice his fingers were black. He wiped it on his pants though and continued giving Zim his embarrassed yet confused look.

"Some things from high school I just remembered." Zim said, shrugging. "I remember you used to be called gay a lot, and some of the stink-beasts there would whisper stories about you."

Dib frowned. "They also called you a 'retard' but you're not, are you?" He said before sighing and adding, "Don't you have bullies on your planet? They were just saying that crap to make people not like me and to make me feel bad."

Zim opened his mouth to say something, but the waiter came back, dropping off the drink and taking the menus along with their orders before leaving once more to give the two some privacy.

"I'm not gay." Dib pouted. "And anyway, wouldn't you rather be kidnapped by a straight guy than a gay guy? At least you know I won't try and rape you."

"What's wrong with being gay?" Zim asked innocently, completely oblivious to the implications.

"L-l-lots of things! F-for example… Gay guys… they're… 'wrong', you know? They like other men and that's disgusting... On top of that, even if it isn't 'wrong' to be gay, they get beaten up for it, thrown in trashcans and actually raped for it themselves… so, so yeah… There's something wrong with being gay..." The human played with his napkin, blushing.

Zim didn't look impressed, in fact, he looked offended.

"You humans and your social insecurities."

"What do you mean?" Dib asked, looking up. He slowly began feeling better that he and Zim were making progress, even if it was on a topic such as homosexuality.

"Anything different is always 'wrong'." Zim said, trying to keep his face straight as he looked up at Dib. "Would you... throw me in a trash can?" Zim knew that was a stupid question, of course Dib would, they were enemies, they hated each other!

"After all the years I've known you? You deserve better torture like getting ripped to shreds, being pulled apart, being thrown in a bathtub… not something so -degrading- as a trashcan, or that would be what I deserve too… and I'd much rather be ripped to shreds than being dumped in a trashcan." He smirked, and something dawned on him. "You're gay?" He looked up at his bride-to-be with a look of total shock.

"If you're asking if I prefer men to women, then yes, I do, female Irkens are... well let's just say YOU wouldn't survive a night with one." Zim said, poking a finger in Dib's direction. "They are very aggressive in bed. Something about repressed nesting instincts or something is the excuse they give us in the academy."

"Weird..." was all Dib said, finding this bit of new information maybe even a little bit scary.

Dib began sucking on his alcoholic beverage thinking back. "So all this time I've been fighting you; I've really been fighting a gay alien?" He thought harder. "You… don't get off on torture, do you?" This was a loaded question.

Zim, unfortunately, had no nose for which his soda could make it's exit so he choked on it for a bit before saying, "What, n-no, I do NOT get off on torture. I was under the impression that you did as you kept coming back for more of it." He smirked.

"Kept coming back… HA! That's why I've been putting YOU through more torture lately than myself, huh?" Dib snorted at the very THOUGHT of him getting off on torture by ZIM of all… things. He sipped down more of his daiquiri.

When the food finally arrived Zim scowled at the evil, smelly fish things that Dib had ordered, quickly putting a piece of stuffed pasta into his mouth, not even minding the watery sting if it meant not having to imagine what that stuff tasted like.

When he was done chewing he replied, "You're just trying to provoke me into giving you the pain you so crave. Admit it, Zim is the sexiest future ruler of the Earth you have ever laid your unworthy eyes upon and you hunger for me to hurt you."

Dib looked over at Zim setting oh so nearby. "Not only is that wrong on the basis that I am NOT trying to provoke you... but it's also wrong in the fact that you're not sexy, not the future ruler of earth, and I do NOT, repeat, do NOT get enjoyment out of you hurting me. I don't want that." Dib drank a big portion of his drink, setting it down with a light 'thump'. "The very thought of me wanting you to… hurt me… gives me goose bumps!" He pouted, and looked around a few people looking at them.

That's right. They were a couple. Practice. He swiftly yet smoothly pulled his arm around Zim's shoulder.

Zim tauntingly dragged a claw down the side of Dib's face and said, "I know, I know, I am so charismatic it intimidates you to speak of me in such a way, but rest assured I get just as much pleasure out of hurting you as you do receiving the pain, so why don't we hurry up with breakfast, we go back to my base, and I beat you like the Dib-slave you are."

Dib winced and blushed. "No, HONEY, I think not." He coughed, obviously trying to mask his embarrassment. Though, the way he had said it so deviously and so smoothly, without a beat and not getting at all upset by everything Dib had said... it did trigger intimidation in a sense, if only for the moment. "Anyway, I didn't think you'd get that much pleasure out of me." He said more calmly so other people wouldn't listen in. "If you get as much pleasure out of hurting me as you think I do out of it..." He shifted uncomfortably. "Claws off my face, dear?"

Zim snickered at his obvious victory and removed his hand, relocating it back over to his fork so he could take a few more bites of his food.

Dib took his own arm back to pick at his shrimp, pouting the whole time. He had lost.

He hated losing.

It was like a loss for earth but worse, because it was HIM that was losing against ZIM.

Zim looked at Dib for a moment, his look changing from victorious to thoughtful as he ate. He decided to ask what was on his mind, after all, Dib now knew an interesting fact about Zim, now it was Zim's turn to know, "Dib, why is it you stick up for Earth when all of your fellow earthenoids seem to hate you?"

That was easy. Dib poured down more of the drink. "Because no matter how big of jerks they are, nobody deserved to be a slave or to be killed unless their intentions are just that." He pointed to Zim with a lazy finger. "Like you. Now you're my slave which I can kill." He sipped more on his drink, feeling a little tipsy. "I don't care for the jerks, but they're all I've got and yeah… don't deserve it. None of them." His drink was done with.

Zim shook his head. "You are impossible to understand. You're pretty much martyring yourself for a lost cause. The armada will come eventually, maybe not in your life time, or in my life time, but they will come."

"Then why haven't they yet?" Dib asked, holding onto the table so he wouldn't lean over and fall.

"This planet is worthless to them." Zim said before giving Dib a quizzical look and asking, "Are you alright?"

"I'm a little bit tipsy." He looked over at Zim, grinningly. "Aren't you? Isn't this room? Wait, no, it's me. Yeah. Yeah. Me." He looked over. "Are you done eating? Would you like anything more?"

"Yeah," Zim said, inching a little bit away. "I would LIKE for you to stop acting weird."

"Oh, Hun." He put his arms around Zim evilly and grinned. "I'm not acting weird. Check please!" He rose a hand and the waiter came by with the check. He put his credit card back down and started to nuzzle Zim some more.

Zim shuttered at the gross feeling of their skin touching, wanting so desperately to pull away, but resisting because they were in public.

"Dib, what do you think you're doing?" He whispered harshly.

"Being evil, Lumpkins." He said deviously, smirking before one handedly taking back his credit card as the waiter brought it back and fetching twenty dollars to put on the table as a tip.

"W-well stop!" Zim whispered so as not to draw attention though it was a little late for that. "You're pissing me off."

Dib brought his nose up to Zim's cheek, grinning. "Whatever you say, Darling." and he let go, standing up.

Zim shot Dib a glare before standing up as well, following Dib out of the restaurant. "I hope you don't plan on driving like that." Zim said, suddenly not trusting Dib at all.

Dib stumbled but caught himself. "What me? I'm fiine. I've done this a MILLIONTH times already done. Don't wooooorryyyy." He held the restaurant's doors open for Zim.

"Like hell you're fine." Zim growled, and, grabbing Dib's arm, pulled him out of the restaurant and said, "We're walking, Dib-stink."

Dib glared, mumbling something under his breath as Zim directed him, something along the lines of 'you're not my father!' But he sighed, letting it go as he tried to regain his balance every once in a while.

"Why not… I've done it before and nothing happened…" He pouted but let Zim in complete control of him.

"Because you car is a death trap on wheels as it is, I'm NOT letting you drive drunk and get us killed!" Zim almost shouted.

Dib glared the other direction and successfully fell on the floor. "Damn it!" It wasn't supposed to be this way. He was suppose to practice acting like he loved Zim and he had been doing hardly ANY of that today-instead he got intoxicated and looked like a fool to random passerby, and of course, Zim. "Fuck it all! He can go to hell!"

Zim took a step back, antennae under his wig twitching. Dib wasn't going back on the deal, was he? He wasn't going to kill Zim, right?

Dib pulled himself up and slopping down at each step closer to Zim, embraced him like he had before during their first practice, but was instead not tense at all, and not at all forced.

Zim tensed, eyes wide for a moment before he just patted Dib's side a little, not wanting to ignore the human and not wanting to actually touch him at the same time.

When the human held that embrace for a little longer than should have been comfortable Zim asked on impulsion, "Are you… okay?"

"Yeah..." The human mumbled drowsily, putting more weight on the Irken as his knees almost gave out on him. "I'm just fine. You're pretty as a girl, Zim. Did you know that? Heheh… 'Zimma'?"

Zim blushed and stared at a wall close to them before saying, "Yes, yes, Zimma is amazing. Now we should probably get you home and something more solid than just shrimp and booze to soak up all that nasty in your belly."

"Fiiiine, fiiine. Let's gooo theeeen." He whined. Walking was going to take forever, but he did as Zim told him to and let go of him to wobble onwards towards home.

"Heheh… Hey… Zim? You called it… 'home'." He giggled after a little while of walking.

"That liquid stupid has a bad hold of your brain, Dib-worm. Yes I said 'home' but was referring to it as being your home." Zim said in a 'duh' sort of way.

"Maybe," Dib said with a shrug, one that almost toppled them over when it made him lose his balance. "I like drinking. Anytime I go out to eat I get something with alcohol."

"Why?" Zim asked. "What possible purpose could destroying your brain and liver serve other than to slowly kill you?"

Dib stopped walking for a moment to try to remember why. What was the reason again? He thought long and hard on it. When he couldn't remember the reasoning behind it, he continued on, tripping a bit, but not as bad as he first had when he left the building.

"It's stronger on me in the mornings and at night… and… I like it for some reason. Makes me feel... Something… Like if I'm sad, I can feel sadder… when I'm happy, I feel happier… when I'm angry, I feel angry, but more importantly, I feel... It's real… yet… not real." He began leaning up against Zim's shoulder for support.

"That's stupid." Zim said simply, wrapping an arm around Dib's waist and putting one of Dib's arms over his shoulder to help the human walk.

"Why's that?" Dib turned his head to ask the girlier figure.

"Because that's just killing yourself over stupid feelings." Zim said.

"It won't kill me…" Dib mumbled. "Not if I don't drink too muchs." His head hung low watching a bug they passed by and changed his attention elsewhere. "And anyway, you want me dead so it doesn't matter to you."

"Dib," Zim said, sighing, ashamed to admit this. "If I wanted you dead, don't you think you'd be dead by now?"

Dib cringed, realizing this. "Yeah..." He hung his head low. "Does this mean I'm suicidal? Cause I don't really know now and you make it sound like it is and I'm getting confused and the floor is still spinning."

"Then don't look at the floor!" Zim chastised. "And no, it doesn't mean you are suicidal... just stupid."

"Oh," Dib looked up at Zim instead, tripping in the process. "That makes sense, I think." They were silent then until they reached the house and the computer unlocked the door for Dib so the human could just stumble inside and collapse on the couch.

Zim walked in and shut the door behind him, looking around like something was going to jump out at him before looking back so Dib and asking, "So what now?"

"Now I eat something, drink something, get over this weirdness and Zim does whatever the hell Zim feels like doing." Dib got up and wobbled over to the kitchen.

Zim followed Dib into the kitchen, shoving him onto one of the bar stools and looking around the nice, expensive kitchen, asking, "What do you need all this for? Do you even cook?" He shook his head and started looking around the kitchen for something starchy to negate the effects of the alcohol.

"And you know I was talking about your dad, and the engagement."

"Oh… um… that... Nah… it's still on. I just had a little melt-down back there… that's all…" Dib sat on the stool a little dizzy, not expecting Zim to take over and try to cook for his benefit.

"Eh, oh well, it was worth a shot." Zim said jokingly before growling and using the counter to give him a boost to reach for something too high for him. "Why do you keep your bread so high up!"

Dib pulled out of his seat and took Zim by the waste pulling him down. "Because I'm tall." He said, leaning over and pulling the bread down and handing it to Zim before slouching back down into the stool.

Zim grumbled like a child who'd just been told 'no desert until you eat your spinach!" But he shook off his annoyance at Dib and his... HEIGHT and opened the fridge, pulling out various sandwhicy things and asking, "Is there anything you don't like on sandwiches?"

"Pickles… mustard… ketchup… The rest is fine…" He rested his spinning head on the counter, eternally grateful towards Zim to doing this, although he wasn't quite sure. "Hey, Zim… Why are you trying to get me sober?"

"Because you're scary drunk." Zim said simply as he put the three items back in the fridge and set to work making the sandwich.

Dib mumbled. "How so? You should be more scared when I'm not drunk because I like hurting you more then." He nodded, agreeing with himself.

"I can handle hurting." Zim said as he prepared the sandwich. "I'm a soldier, remember? It's the touches I don't like. When you're drunk you can't seem to keep your filthy human skin off mine."

Dib stared at him with his head resting comfortably on the counter. "Why not..? You're human, aren't you?" Dib asked, obviously not listening to himself thanks to the tipsiness.

"Of course not!" Zim said as if that offended him, which it did. He put the sandwich in front of Dib and said, "Eat." Before turned and getting a glass from the counter and using the fridges automatic ice and water dispenser to make Dib a glass of water, putting that down next to the plate.

Dib had already forgotten what was said to offend Zim so this sudden personality change startled him. He picked up the sandwich and began munching on it a bit, taking a sip of his water every now and then. "Hank hyuu Hiimm" Dib thanked Zim as he munched on more food and drank more water, unsure exactly why again.

"Your brain meats have turned to goop, yes?" Zim asked, leaning on the counter far away from the water. "Let's just hope you sober up before we have to meet up with your father... you know we have to go get your car too."

He munched on more sandwich and swallowed before speaking again. "I'll probably send someone out to get it… M'mmm, yeeeeah… But I'll probably sober up before six… it's… hours away… not… sure how many exactly, but its hours, I'm sure… I think." He continued eating his sandwich till it was gone.

Zim looked at the wall clock, and said, "It's two now, which means about four hours."

Dib snorted. "I'll be better in an hour or less!" He took his water and chugged it down, similarly to how he just whooshed away his alcohol earlier.

"You are hopeless, Dib-worm." Zim said, sighing and yawning.

Dib got up a little wobbly still but better, and put up the glass and plate, walking over to Zim and placing his hand on the other's shoulder. "You're tired..? Did you get any sleep last night? You've got a room. Want to nap?" He asked gingerly towards the other.

"No, I'm not tired. But a nap would be nice." Zim said, standing up straight. He didn't give Dib a smile of thanks or anything, the human's... caring unnerved him.

Dib frowned as he watched the Irken just walk away. He seemed almost depressed about something.

Zim didn't even bother removing his clothes or disguise; he simply plopped down onto the bed and sighed. He was a little more comfortable now that he was away from Dib and those… touches. It made his skin crawl.

Dib sighed and walked over to the living room, plopping on the couch and turning on the TV. When nothing good was on, he napped himself on the couch.

* * *

Please review!


	5. Emotional Contract

Hkjdhflasjhd! I'm so DUMB! ARGH! *headdesk*

So, for those of you who HAVEN'T noticed my absence (thanks, I can really feel the love), I've been gone for a while! You see, my parents are nosy, nosy people, and the thought of them finding my fanfiction makes me sick to my stomach (not that they're intolerant and would flip out, but GOD the questions I'd have to answer!) so I keep everything on a flash drive and, well, I hadn't been able to find it THIS WHOLE TIME!

I HAD this chapter done for a while, but with my flash drive awol I couldn't upload it, so I wasn't being lazy, just stupid. I found it jsut a few minutes prior to me uploading this... in a safe place I put it so I wouldn't lose it. -_- Yeah. It was RIGHT where I left it, I just left it in a spot I didn't think to look. So I have to find a new safe place to put this thing. Until then, let's hope I don't lose it again.

As an update to you guys, I AM still working on the My Only rewrite, I just like this story better, but will have less time for both it and this because classes have started back up, and I find it hard to type a lot recently because, well, it's cold as Death outside and my hands don't work when there is no warmth (I'm a tropical flower, I wilt when it drops below 70.)

Also, Ren Fest Rehearsals are going on. ^^ Very happy about that! Yay for my Renny friends!

So, yeah, that's just so you know if you find yourself waiting another three months for a chapter, though I will do my damned best to keep that from happening! *action hero pose*

* * *

It was three by the time Dib woke up. It was cold and his head was hurting, but not too bad. He sat up and recalled vaguely what had happened, remembering that Zim had gone up to his room for a nap. With a yawn he stood and made his way up to the room to his personal queen.

Zim was sleeping soundly, having forced his pak to shut down after about fifteen minutes of just laying there. He snuggled against the pillow in his arms.

Walking quietly over to the alien Dib leaned on the bed with his face just inches from the alien's and gave a loud shout of, "BOO!"

Zim gasped and jumped back, almost falling off the bed, a hand over his spooch. "What are you doing!"

"Math," Dib said with a smirk. "I was awake, you were asleep, it's easy really."

"I hate you," Zim hissed, standing and fixing his disguise. He then swore something in irken, straightening the pillow on the bed.

"You too, dear." Dib laughed slightly. "Anyway, now that we're awake, what do you wanna do?"

"Oh, there are lots of things I'd like to do to you, DARling," Zim growled. "But I can't get into my pak."

"Oh yeah," Dib said, as though he'd completely forgotten about that. "Hey, doesn't that sort of make you my slave?" He couldn't help but grin; he loved it when he won.

Zim scowled angrily at Dib, turning to storm from the room.

Dib followed, snickering in victory.

"Your whole planet can just fuck itself!" Zim yelled, stomping down the stairs and into the living room.

Dib smirked harder. "And your whole planet can just kill themselves!" He peered downstairs.

"I HOPE YOU ARE VIOLATED BY A HAM DEMON!" Zim yelled, moving to sit on the couch and pout.

"Violated... by... a HAM demon? Why violated?" Dib asked, stepping down the stairs gracefully.

"Because you cannot simply DIE, Dib, you must experience _pain_, oh the pain you must feel before you can escape into the cold mercy that is death." Zim said, his voice a hiss towards the end.

"Too bad that'll never happen _to me _huh?" Dib leaned over the couch, smirking like before.

"Don't be too sure, Dib-stink." Zim growled. "I REALLY hate you right now. If this keeps up I'll have to rip my antennae out so I won't have to hear your voice."

"Self mutilating?" His smirk went away to give a curious look. "You're emo for real, Zim?"

"Will you leave me alone if I say 'yes?'" Zim asked, crossing his arms.

"Will you hurt yourself if I leave you alone?" Trick question, but Zim didn't have to know that.

"Why would you care?" Zim asked before narrowing his eyes and adding, "Or is it that you want to watch?"

"You are emo, aren't you?" Dib hopped over the head of the couch to plop down next to Zim. "And here you were teasing me about me wanting to be hurt by you- and here this whole time YOU wanted to hurt YOURSELF. Oh, the irony." He smirked, pulling in closer.

"I'm NOT emo." Zim snapped. "I want the drunk Dib back."

A sudden, rather disturbing thought came to mind and Dib quickly grabbed Zim's arm. "Is this why you always wear those gloves?" He frowned and stripped the glove off to look at the arm he was holding to get a good look of the underside.

"Ah! No! Give that back!" Zim yelled, yanking his arm away and hiding it in his sleeve. "Of course I would never cut there! The skin of my wrist is much too thin. I just don't like to be touched!"

"And how do you know that?" Dib asked, holding the glove out of arm's reach. "Have you tried?"

"Maybe," Zim said with a pout. "Now give it back!"

"You've TRIED there?" Dib quickly pushed Zim down on the couch, pinning him by his shoulders. "What the hell is WRONG with you! Hurting yourself? Are you serious?"

"Get off!" Zim yelled. "Get off get off!" The human's intense reaction was freaking him out, along with Dib's bare hands touching his bare shoulders. "Remove your filthy human fingers from me!"

Dib glared down at the Irken. "Not until you tell me where you hurt yourself and promise you won't do it again."

"Not anywhere your DADDY'll see if THAT's what you're worried about, Dib-shit!" Zim yelled, wanting to get under Dib's skin.

Dib held his breath, staring down at Zim, startled. He hadn't thought about that at all, and that's where Zim's mind goes?

"NO! That's NOT the FUCK what I'm worried about! I'm NOT worried! I'm FUCKING PISSED that my worst enemy would degrade himself so low as to purposefully hurt HIMSELF!" Dib yelled once over his shock. He felt so much anger just spill over and he couldn't stop it anymore than he could stop his words. "Why the hell shouldn't I be angry! You're making YOURSELF weak! What's the purpose in THAT, you green bug? I don't WANT you to hurt yourself! I want to hurt you, you bastard!"

Zim cringed a little. His whole body was tense, he felt like he was going to pull a muscle just laying there under the human.

"I'm NOT emo." He said again, glaring. "You left for college a little after high school and my Tallest stopped believing that I was making any progress because they were so used to seeing me wounded from fighting YOU. I started injuring myself to make it look like I was still fighting to conquer Earth. Then I couldn't reach them anymore."

Dib's facial expression softened, but he still looked very pissed. "You don't still do it, do you...?"

Zim looked away, feeling slightly ashamed of himself. "Haven't had to in a while. Since you're back I don't have to _fake_ injuries."

"That's right," Dib said, pulling off the alien. "Only I'm allowed to hurt that body of yours."

"Whatever," Zim said, sitting up and glaring at Dib, though his words held no bite. What could he do? He couldn't even get into his pak and it left him feeling useless.

Dib sighed. "If it was up to me," he said. "I wouldn't have gone to college. The thought of leaving you alone to plot made me feel like I was abandoning my post. I did graduate early though so I could get back and make sure you weren't planning anything stupid again." He averted his eyes. "Just promise you won't hurt yourself while you're here. Alright?"

"Not like you'll know if I do anyway." Zim replied, not really meaning to imply that he WOULD, but wanting to plant dark thoughts in the human's head.

"Then I'll just have to follow you, make SURE that you don't." Dib snapped.

"Good luck with that." Zim said, rolling his eyes.

"We're equals, Zim." Dib said pointedly. "I'm as weak as the enemy I can't defeat. You doing something so stupid makes me just as stupid for not being able to beat you. You can't hurt yourself again, that's MY job."

"You're an ass." Zim growled, standing and heading up the stairs. Dib got up as well and followed, keeping true to his words and keeping Zim in sight.

Zim whirled on Dib quickly, growling in hate before turning and running up the stairs and into his room.

Dib caught the door before it could slam into his face, throwing it open and following Zim in. "I'm not leaving you alone!"

"Go away!" Zim yelled, crossing his arms, hiding his gloveless hand. "I'm in no mood for your stupidity!"

"You're the stupid one!" Dib yelled.

"Shut up!" Zim shouted, wishing he was wearing a much more substantial shirt, feeling practically naked with his shoulders so exposed and the thin fabric stretching awkwardly as he held his hand in his sleeve.

Dib took a deep breath in an attempt to calm down, saying, "Look, you're not getting rid of me. I can't trust you with yourself now that I know all of this."

"I want to be alone." Zim said, narrowing his eyes.

Dib narrowed his own eyes right back, asking, "How would you feel if I started cutting _myself_?" Immediately though he thought of how stupid that question was and wanted to take it back. "Just tell me you'll stop."

"I don't have to tell you anything." Zim said, not wanting to give in to the human's insecurities. That's all they were, anyway. It made Dib feel insecure that he couldn't beat an enemy who had weakened himself.

Dib looked at Zim almost sadly, saying, "Then I'm not leaving you alone. If you can't even say it then I know you can't do it."

"We're in the same house, Dib-stink." Zim said, wanting desperately to be left alone. "It's not like it would be something I could hide from you whether you followed me around or not."

Dib sighed, shaking his head before saying, "Look- if it means anything, I think you're going to be an awesome bride, and I'll try not to… pick on you so much." He felt like he was being made to apologize for spitting on some kid on the playground.

"Why?" Zim asked, expression instantly snapping into one of confusion. "Why would you do that?"

"I don't know, it's just weird seeing you like this, and if I'm the one starting it then I guess I just feel like I need to stop." Dib said, shrugging.

"You can probably take that off now." Dib added as he gestured about his own face in regards to the makeup.

"I still need it for the meeting with your parent." Zim said, looking to be considering what Dib had said before that.

"Oh yeah." Dib said, rubbing the back of his head, feeling awkward now.

Zim let the silence roll on for a moment before asking, "Where's my glove?"

Dib looked at his hands, as though expecting it to still be there before saying, "I think I dropped it somewhere around the couch."

Zim made his way quietly down to the living room and found his glove half hanging off the couch. He grabbed it and put it back on then gave his fingers a flex once everything was comfortably in place.

Dib followed Zim, watching the alien sit back down on his side of the couch and grab the remote before sitting on the other side, asking, "Zim- are you-?" But stopping, deciding against it.

"Am I what?" Zim asked, looking at Dib, even as he flipped through the channels.

"Nothing." Dib replied, waving a hand. Zim just glared but let it slide, not really caring what Dib had to say.

The alien finally settled on a bad horror movie, deciding the psychological torment of teenaged humans would lift his mood a bit.


	6. Contractual Obligations

Alright, so, I mentioned this in an update for another story, but for those of you who only follow this one a lot has been going on and I'm VERY sorry for not having gotten to this in a while.

I would also like to apologize for any errors that may and I'm sure ARE in this story, as I no longer have Word due to my computer failing me and my brother reformatting it for me so that it will at least last me through the next semester or two of school. I am currently downloading something that's supposed to be just as good as word, so hopefully my future chapters won't SUCK so bad.

All in all though I really like how this chapter turned out. I think it's one of the better ones of the rewrite, possibly because it so much is told to us in this chapter, and because Zim seemed to just revert into his natural old self without much effort on my part. Let me know what you think.

Also, I'm wanting to come up with a different title for this rewrite. For some reason this title isn't working for me anymore, and I really don't like the chapter titles. If you have any ideas, let me know, I'd love to hear them!

* * *

It was almost six and Dib and Zim got ready to go.

"Coming, my lady?" Dib said only half jokingly, holding out a hand for Zim as the alien checked himself in the mirror. Deciding that his make-up and everything else once more looked perfect he took the offered hand and let the human lead him out to the car.

Dib made it a goal to be as gentlemanly as possible to Zim, not only because of his promise to make things easier, but also as good practice for when they got to the restaurant. Zim agreed that some practice would be good, so he played along. Dib opened the car door for Zim and closed it once the alien was in, slouching slightly in his seat.

"Hey, it'll be fine," Dib said. "You look great, we just have to make sure we answer all of father's questions favorably and he'll suspect nothing."

"What kind of questions is he going to ask?" Zim questioned, sitting up and looking at Dib as they drove off.

"Probably just stuff about your childhood, the kind of education you have and the work that you do." Dib said. "Speaking of which we should probably go over all that now."

The entire way to the restaurant Zim and Dib built up a story for Zimma about her childhood, where she grew up, what kind of background she had and everything. By the time they got there and parked they were confident in Zimma as a person.

Dib got out and opened the door for his fiancé', saying, "Now don't be nervous, we've got this."

"Provided he doesn't notice... you know." Zim said, shaking his limbs out a little to try and get some blood pumping so he didn't look pale and any more sickly.

They went inside to find Membrane already there and waiting, going over the menu patiently.

"Hello Dad," Dib said, pulling his seat out for Zim before sitting in his own.

"Hello, son," Membrane said with a nod.

"Dad, this is Zimma," Dib introduced, pulling Zim's left hand up to show off the ring. The alien gave the professor his best smile, trying not to look as nervous as he felt. It didn't really work, as the smile turned out exhadurated and creepy, but Membrane didn't seem to notice.

"Pleasure to meet you," The scientist said before turning to Dib and asking, "Tell me, her skin, is that the same condition as the little foreign boy had? You know, the one you used to play with all the time?" As though Dib had a lot of little green foreign friends.

"Yes," Dib said with a nod, having been prepared for this. "It's hereditary. She's a little sensitive about it though." And on cue he put a hand on the alien's arm in a comforting gesture, being sure to avoid the skin of his shoulder, as per Zim's request.

"Right," Membrane said with an understanding nod, though Zim felt as though he was staring at him very closely. "Now tell me, what kind of work do you do?"

"Um, I'm into astrology." Zim said quietly, in the girliest voice he could muster. "Mostly the geography of planets, used to do a lot of work for the military, but I'm looking for something a little closer to home now."

Dib put a hand on Zim's knee as his father nodded. This was going to work! He knew it!

"And where did you grow up, go to school?" Membrane asked, and Zim fidgeted, not liking where Dib's hand was.

"I grew up in S-Swedeland… in an educational establishment with other childrens with the same skin condition before coming here." He said, shaking his legs a little, but Dib didn't seem to get the hint. "Finished up grade school here before going to a university."

Dib's heart was beating hard in his chest and he gave the knee a squeeze before flipping through the menu as the waiter came asking for drink orders.

"The wine would be good, thank you, for all of us." Membrane ordered before adding. "I'll also have a bottle of water."

Zim paled a little, but agreed with the order and the waiter was off, leaving them a little more time to look at their menus.

Membrane continued to ask questions, like how Dib and Zimma met, to which Dib replied it was on one of his paranormal missions, and he had met with Zimma to ask about strange landmarks on Mars. He then asked about how long they'd been together and how Dib proposed, to which Dib gave a rough estimate of time and a semi-truthful answer of all but being forced to.

Finally the wine got there and the waiter inquired as to what they wanted to eat.

Membrane ordered some kind of fancy chicken while Dib ordered both him and Zimma a simple pasta dish, figuring that would be alright for Zim.

"Would you like one big plate, sir?" The waiter asked.

"Excuse me?" Dib replied.

"You know, like in the movie with the little mongrellish pooches. Spaghetti sir. Would you like to SHARE it with your lovely lady?" The waiter clarified and Dib thought a moment before nodding, deciding that would be a good idea.

Dib took a large sip of the wine, but stopped when Zim pinched him under the table. He did NOT want what happened earlier to happen again.

He was further taken by surprise when, after taking a smaller sip, his father asked, "So, when can I expect grandchildren?"

Poking, prodding, then snap.

Dib choked on the wine, needing to put the glass down so he didn't spill anything, and Zim gave the human a confused look.

"Dad!" Dib gasped, coughing still. "It's a… little early to be thinking of kids… it really is."

"Nonsense! It's never too early. Not for our family." Membrane argued. "You've got a successful, if not strange, career, plenty of family for support, and a lovely woman. There's nothing stopping you!"

Zim fidgeted uncomfortably, feeling as though he were expected to say something, but he barely had an understanding of where earth children came from, so holding a conversation about the possibility of having one was simply not an option.

The topic stayed on children a while, Membrane giving the two far more details of Dib's mother and his attempts at conceiving than either would have liked. Dib almost jumped for joy when their food arrived and his father had to occupy his mouth with eating, rather than talking.

After a few minutes of silence in which everyone enjoyed their food Dib decided he needed to get his father talking about something that had nothing to do with children.

"So, how's work, Dad?" He asked.

"Work is great!" Membrane said. "We've found a way to cure yet another cancer, and found a way to GROW super toast!"

"That's great!" Dib said, wrapping an arm around Zim, feeling much more comfortable now that the topic change had taken. This made Zim squirm a little, but neither really moved for fear of actually LOOKING uncomfortable. "Hey, isn't Zimma great! Smart, pretty, ambitious, everything you'd want in a daughter in law, right?"

This made Zim calm a little. He knew Dib was saying those things for his father's benefit, but one couldn't help but take the compliments.

Membrane seemed to think for a moment before nodding, and adding, "And eventually I'm sure she'll be a great mother!"

Dib's smile dropped and he said, "Yeah, _eventually_. You can't rush these things. It may be years before we're BOTH ready."

This seemed to annoy Membrane a bit, but he didn't say anything more on the subject, instead, saying, "Alright, well, I best be getting back to the lab." And with that he stood, pulling out his wallet and setting some money on the table. "This should cover the bill, will you take care of the tip?"

Dib nodded, sighing and saying, "Yeah, I'll take care of it."

The human didn't let go of Zim until his father had left the restaurant, and they both were able to relax.

"That was awful." He said, putting his face in his hands. He pulled his hands away though to reach for the wine and take another sip.

"For once I agree with you." Zim groaned. He never wanted to have dinner with Dib's father AGAIN.

"And all those baby questions," Dib said before stuffing some more of the pasta in his mouth.

"Speaking of babies," Zim said, taking a small bite before asking, "Why does the thought of a smeet weird you out. How do you humans even do it?"

Dib choked once again, this time, though, he had his alien fiancé to thank for that.

"Um, well," He said, rubbing the back of his neck once he'd swallowed his food down the right hole. 'Do it' was a very accurate statement. "Humans have, you know, intercourse in order to conceive. The male releases sperm into the female which fertilizes her eggs. Then the female carries the child in the stomach area for nine months and… then gives birth."

Zim paused for a moment before asking, "Isn't that… primitive?"

"I guess." Dib said, though didn't seem entirely sure what Zim meant. "How do Irkens do it then?"

"We genetically engineer most of our smeets." Zim explained. "We take DNA from deceased Irkens and clone new ones. They grow in tubes and when they're ready to be born a mechanical arm breaks the tube. We're given a pak and a shock to bring us to life and there you have it, an Irken smeet."

Dib absorbed the information as he ate more before saying, "That seems overly complicated. Really it doesn't matter though. In order for us to have a smeet we'd have to have sex, and you hate touch, plus you'd have to be a female."

Zim gave a shrug before flashing Dib a knowing smile and saying, "If you say so."

Dib stopped, seeming frozen in time for a moment, trying to figure out what Zim meant before finally asking, "What does THAT mean?"

"You mentioned that your females carry the eggs while the male inject their DNA." Zim pointed out. "With Irkens it's the men that have the eggs which we inject into our females, and it combines with their DNA."

Dib shook his head, trying to come to grips with what he just learned. "So- so you mean you and I- if we- then we could-…." The dots just didn't seem like they should connect like that! Dib couldn't seem to be able to decide if it was better when he didn't know that little fact about Irkens or not.

"If Irken and human DNA are compatible." Zim pointed out.

"That's scary." Dib said, taking a bite of food to give him a little time to think as he chewed, then swallowed. "I want to make Dad happy and all, but getting married and having children are two totally different things. No one takes marriage seriously anymore, especially not among the rich. People get married and divorced all the time, despite the importance people seem to place on it. Children though, that's a real commitment. That's what is really sacred."

"The odds wouldn't be in your favor anyway." Zim said, waving a hand at Dib's silly thoughts. "Why do you think we clone our smeets in the first place? It's because our race is all but infertile."

A weight seemed to lift off of Dib's mind and he sighed, saying, "Good." Before picking up his napkin to wipe his face. He put the napkin down before asking, "Isn't it weird how quickly Dad left?"

Zim almost scowled, picking up his own napkin and said, "I thought he was always like that." He wiped Dib's cheek, cleaning some sauce off the human's face that's he'd missed.

Dib watched Zim intently, his cheeks heating up in a blush. "Z-Zim?"

"What?" Zim asked, putting the cloth down on the table.

Dib regained the grasp over himself. "Uh-right!" He took another sip of wine. "Do you wanna go home now? I mean… my home… but… right. You know what I mean."

"You're acting strange." Zim said, eyeing Dib's glass. "You aren't drunk again, are you?"

"No, I'm fine," Dib said, shaking his head and standing. "At least I think I am."

Zim stood as well, watching Dib carefully before deciding the human could be trusted behind the wheel and said, "Alright."

"Come on," Dib said, leading Zim out to the car after putting the tip on the table. Zim allowed this, keeping an eye on the human, just in case.

The car ride home was a silent, but not uncomfortably so. Zim watched as the scenery flew past them, enjoying how it felt like he was in a ship, though much slower.

Once home Dib opened the door for Zim, saying, "Why don't you find a movie to put on or something? There's not really a lot to do here. They're in the cabinet under the TV."

Zim shrugged and went over to the TV stand, opening it and flipping through all the disks he found there.

After a few minutes he grumbled, looking back at Dib, who had sat himself on the couch, "Do you own every alien movie ever made?"

"Probably." Dib said, laughing a little at himself.

Zim finally pulled a movie from the collection, asking, "What's this one about?"

"Vampires." Dib said. Not much better. His obsessions with the paranormal didn't leave him room for much else in his life, much less his movie collection.

"Oh, blood drainy things." Zim said, popping the disk in.

Dib grunted, watching the alien as he got up. Why did that leave him with images of Zim, eyes surrounded by thick eye-liner, dressed in all black, and with a knife to his wrists?

"Speaking of 'blood drainy things.'" Dib said, narrowing his eyes a little. "Do you hurt yourself a lot? How do you do it?"

Zim rolled his eyes, saying, "I'm not talking about this with you."

"Why not? I thought you weren't emo." Dib said in a slightly mocking voice.

"I'm not, which is why I'm not talking about it." Zim replied, keeping his eyes fixed on the movie as the screen panned around a small, rural town with lots of farms and a long, straight road that went right through the middle.

"Whatever." Dib said, turning his attention to the movie as well, enjoying the stunning visuals that opened the movie. He threw his arms over the top of the couch as he relaxed.

Zim leaned back, head hitting Dib's arm and he jumped, eyes wide before glaring slightly, leaning forward with his arms propping up his head.

Dib had jumped as well, and moved to the other side of the couch. The room had gotten awkward quickly.

After two hours, the movie having ended, Zim stood, stretching and saying, "I'm going to bed, Dib-stink."

Dib looked at Zim for a moment before standing as well, saying, "I think I will too."

The human followed Zim up the stairs. The irken seemed to be in a sour mood and lost in his own thoughts. This was only proven to be true when Dib closed Zim's bedroom door, and the irken jumped, asking, "What are you doing?"

"Going to bed, what does it look like?" He asked, starting to undo the buttons of his shirt.

"What's wrong with your room, why are you here?" Zim asked, crossing his arms.

"I already told you I'm going to follow you around. I don't trust you now." Dib explained calmly.

"Damn it Dib, get out!" Zim yelled.

Dib glared a little before asking, "How are your injuries doing?"

"I'm fine! Now go away!" Zim said, pointing at the door.

"If they're better…." Dib trailed off, putting a thumb to the opposite wrist and flicking a switch he'd hidden there under the skin.

Zim gasped hard, falling to the floor as electricity made his limbs useless. Dib flipped the switch once more, turning the electricity off.

"Ah! What was that for?" Zim asked through grit teeth, pulling himself into a sitting position and rubbing his arms.

"To remind you that you aren't the one making demands." Dib said, kneeling to tower closely over Zim.

"I don't want you in here when I'm trying to sleep." Zim growled. "How am I supposed to relax? It's hard enough being in the same house as you."

"I'm sorry, but I can't trust you." Dib said, shaking his head. "I can't leave you alone to hurt yourself."

"I don't NEED to hurt myself with you shocking me like that." Zim said, glaring hard.

"I'm not convinced." Dib said, glaring right back.

Zim grunted in annoyance, mustering up all the strength he possessed before saying, "Please… go away."

Dib stared a moment before rolling his own eyes, saying, "Fine." and standing. He left the room quietly, letting Zim have his peace.

"Damn it, Zim." The human breathed, getting dressed for bed before falling under the covers and into a dreamless sleep.


	7. What's your deal?

Hey all, I apologize for how long this took... again. Nothing new. The whole story is a little embarassing, let's just leave it at I need to keep a map in order to keep track of where I put my flash drives. -_- Anyway, ther story get's a little slow around this area, but I'll try and keep it interesting. Just bare with me.

Also, I have the next chapter completely written, so don't go bonkers if it takes me a while to update again. I try and keep ahead of what I post, so usually it's not that I don't have the next chapter done, it's that I don't have the one after it done. Keeps me from getting too bored with things and just letting them hang, you know what I mean? Anyway, on with the story.

* * *

Dib woke up the next morning in a state of pure uncomfortable-ness. The bed felt lumpy, the pillow seemed flat, and the world outside seemed to be making as much noise as it could, just to annoy him.

"I'm UP already!" He yelled, pushing himself up with a groan.

Zim's antennae twitched and he clung to the pillow harder, as though that would block out the human's obnoxious yelling and anchor him in sleep.

Dib didn't care one bit about the other person sleeping in the house, grabbing his clothes so he could get a shower, slamming drawers and doors and stomping on the way to his destination.

Zim got up and rubbed his eyes before glaring at the direction the door was slammed. His back felt hot, like it had a mild sunburn, from the shock the night before, and he would have liked nothing more than to punch Dib in the face for that. But… after last night, the human seemed to actually be a threat to him and this made Zim VERY uncomfortable.

With a sigh he got up and pulled on a random pair of jeans and long sleeved shirt, not caring how he looked that day. The shirt came up a little on the alien's long torso and bunched weirdly, but eventually he had to stop messing with the clothes. He slipped on his gloves and the ring, deciding to himself that he would keep his mouth shut as much as possible. With how irritated Dib had gotten with him the night before, he didn't want to run the risk of any damage being done to him, simply because he couldn't keep his opinions to himself.

Yes, being quiet would make life a lot easier.

Dib groaned as the spray of warm water fell on his head and got in his eyes. He wished he'd slept in, but even as he thought this he felt restless. There would be no need to pretend to be lovers anymore, at least not until the wedding or his father decided to check in, which ever may occur first. He didn't have a lot of work to do, since he'd taken a vacation in anticipation of capturing Zim and putting this plan into motion, and since everything had gone according to plan (mostly) he didn't need to worry about the alien or any plans to dominate the human race.

What was there left to do?

"I wonder what Zim does when he's not taking over the world." Dib said out loud before turning off the water. He got out and got dressed (drying his hair as much as possible) before heading down to the living room where Zim was sitting, watching the movie from the night before, as he couldn't figure out how to put the TV back on cable channels.

"Hey," Dib said, seeming much more cheerful than early that morning. Zim just gave a wave and so he continued on, only half forcing the smile that was on his face, "What do you wanna do today?"

Zim shot Dib a small glare before shrugging as he reached up to rub his bare antennae, trying to relieve some irritation he'd gotten from that wig he'd had to wear.

Dib looked confused, moving around the couch to sit next to the alien, asking, "What's up? Are you sick… do irkens even get sick?"

Zim leaned away, finally opening his mouth and saying, "No. I'm trying not to get in trouble. You know, 'don't speak if you can't say something nice' or whatever it is you humans talk about on your TV shows."

Dib rolled his eyes before saying, "I'm not going to shock you just because you're an ass." He sat back away from Zim then. "I've only done it once. What makes you think I'll just do it over any little thing? That'd make me petty."

"I didn't do anything!" Zim argued.

"Please," Dib said, giving Zim a 'get real' look. "You were demanding things of me, like you're in charge or something. I can take some protests, but don't think you can just order me around. I just wanted to remind you that I'm in charge."

"You were trying to sleep with me!" Zim yelled. At this point he sounded like a child trying to justify some kind of unruly behavior. "What if we'd touched!"

Dib stared at Zim a moment, the alien almost able to see the wheels turning in the human's head. Finally Dib reached out a hand and experimentally brushed his fingers over an exposed green midriff.

Zim yelled something in his native tongue and dove over the arm of the couch he'd been resting against. "Don't do that!" He yelled, crouched behind the arm like it would shield him from harm.

Dib gave a smirk, asking, "You know what this means right?" He paused to watch Zim's confused and angry look. "It means I've got one up on you."

"Don't! I don't like touch!" Zim yelled, glaring.

Dib crawled over to threaten Zim with his fingers over the alien antennae, asking, "Why don't you like it?"

"I just don't!" Zim said, scooting back away, antennae plastering to the top of his head.

Dib leaned over, hand cupping Zim's cheek gently. It was hard to imagine that such a thing could bring such a reaction from Zim.

Zim, without thinking, lashed out, wanting to remove the hand from his skin any way he could.

"SHIT!" Dib shouted, pulling back and cradling his injured arm to himself. Three long gashes stretched over the sensitive flesh of his inner arm and were bleeding badly.

Zim was breathing hard, one moment of fear fading into another at the thought of the shocking he'd get for having done that.

"T-told you not to…." He tried to reason.

"Oh come ON!" Dib shouted, making his way to the kitchen to run his arm under some water. "We kissed before!"

"Yeah, lips." Zim said, standing and taking a few steps toward the kitchen to see what was going on. "It was okay."

"That is so backwards!" Dib yelled, leaning over to pull a first aid kit from a drawer a few feet from him.

"No, you were just as vulnerable as I was when we kissed." Zim said, crossing his arms. "We were at the same disadvantage."

"The hell is so wrong with touch?" Dib asked, pulling out some gauze and trying to dry the wound as much as possible, but it was just bleeding too much. He'd need stitches for sure.

"That is none of your business." Zim said, walking into the kitchen once the water stopped running.

"Damn it! Fine, I don't care!" Dib said. Holding his arm out with a cloth wrapped around it so he wouldn't drip on the floor. "Need to go fix this." He said as he started heading up to his room.

Zim crossed his arms once Dib passed and glared after him, glad to finally have the other away from him. He hadn't meant to hurt the Dib that badly… well, he had, because the other was touching him, but he had told the human.

The alien heard cursing coming from the room and went upstairs to see what the fuss was. Dib was stitching up his arm with one hand and was doing a horribly sloppy job of it.

"That's what you get." Zim said, looking superior.

"Yeah yeah, it's my fault." Dib said, rolling his eyes before hissing as he stuck himself wrong.

Zim rolled his own eyes, though the look was lost on the human, and came up, taking the needle and fixing Dib's stitches. His tongue poked out in concentration and Dib almost flinched back, but didn't, just staring wide eyed as irken hands quickly worked on his bleeding arm.

They sat there in silence until the alien was done and wiped his gloves clean on a nearby cloth.

"Th-thank you?" Dib said, looking at the decent stitch job. "Why'd you help me?"

Zim gave Dib an annoyed look before saying, "I can't have you bleeding your watery blood all over the place… and I wanted to prove once again that irkens are superior to humans."

"Right," Dib said sarcastically before asking, "So, is there anything you want to do today?"

"The only thing I want to do is go back to planning how to take over your pathetic world and end your existence." Zim said.

"Sounds like fun," Dib said with a sigh. He knew that today would be boring.

"Don't you have para-whatsit stuff to do?" Zim asked, hoping to be left alone. "Or girlfriend hunting?"

"Nah, I took some time off for this marriage thing. And I can't really look for a girlfriend until I'm well and married or else it would look a little weird." Dib said. "Guess I'm boring for now."

"Yeah," Zim said, though was still stuck on Dib's previous point. "How long are we going to be stuck together?"

"Not long!" Dib said quickly. "I'll have girlfriend in no time! You'll see."

"I hope so," Zim said. He went to sit on Dib's bed, wondering how long it would be before he could get into his pak again. It was hard to keep it in just life-support mode since he was used to using it on a regular basis.

Dib moved to sit next to the alien, asking, "On that note, when do you think we should hold the wedding?"

"I don't care," Zim answered on automatic, before realizing the question was actually important. "As soon as possible."

"Well," Dib said, looking up in thought. "That would depend on the type of marriage. We could get a quick legal thing, which would take no time at all. It wouldn't look good but it would be quick. It would take a little more time for a full blown wedding though, since so many things require advanced booking."

"Aren't you doing this for your father?" Zim asked before going on when Dib gave him a blank look. "He would want a wedding, correct?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Dib said with a shrug. "Guess it's a wedding then."

"And until then you'll have to stop touching me." Zim said, looking at his beautiful stitch job. "Or there with be nothing left of you but a shredded pile of Dib-mess, and _that_ wouldn't look very good."

"I'll be sure to remember that." Dib said, rolling his eyes, though smiling at the mental image he got from Zim's statement.

For a few moments they just sat in silence Dib looking consideringly at the irken a moment before leaning forward. Zim's eyes widened, and then widened further when he felt the human's forehead touch his own.

"What are you doing?" He said, almost as though the whole sentence was one word. Had they not just talked about this!

"Why don't you like touch?" Dib asked curiously. He never was one for paying attention to warnings. If he turned away at every 'beware' sign he wouldn't have half the discoveries he's made under his paranormal belt.

Dib held Zim's upper arm as the alien tried to pull away, saying, "I'm not about to talk about that with _you_."

"Then I won't let go." Dib said, holding ever tighter and locking eyes with fake human ones.

"Then I'll scratch your eyes out." Zim said, his narrowing.

Dib stared for a while longer before pulling back, saying, "Whatever it was really traumatized you, huh?"

"How could you possibly know that?" Zim asked, standing instantly, hands balled into fists. "You DON'T know ANYTHING."

"Okay," Dib said, holding his hands up.

Zim quickly turned and went to stomp down the stairs. He avoided looking in the full length mirror in the living room and instead curled up on the couch.

Dib came down a while later, new shirt on, and plopped himself on his side of the couch, asking, "Why does your race want to take over Earth anyway?"

Zim eyed Dib a little, wondering whether he should keep his mouth shut or if it mattered. Deciding that knowing the motive would not affect the plan itself Zim answered, "The invasion has nothing to do with Earth. The Tallest wish to rule all planets. Earth wasn't even part of this invasion either. They ran out of planets to give the invaders though, so they gave me this one."

"Greedy little bastards aren't they." Dib asked. Zim opened his mouth to defend his Tallest and correct that statement before the human continued. "What does your planet look like?"

"Irk?" Zim asked, eyes widening with surprise. He discovered he actually had to think back on it. It had been so long since he'd actually seen his own planet. "It's clean." Zim said, summoning up his memories of the place. "No dirt or plants of any kind. The suns are close and light radiates off the pink buildings, and since there are no clouds it gives the planet a glowing look from space."

"Hold that thought!" Dib said suddenly, snapping Zim from his reverie. "I'll be right back." And he jumped off the couch, rushing to the basement.


	8. Deal with the Delusional

Sorry these chapters keep taking so long. I know they shouldn't since all I'm really doing is revising, but things keep coming up that make it hard to concentrate on fan fiction.

My reasoning this month was that I was doing NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month, for those unfamiliar it's a challenge to write a 50k work novel in the month of November) I won it and am ready to get back to fixing this story. :) I hope to finish with this soon so that I can get to work on Under My Skin and start on revising my novel, so hopefully I'll be able to start updating much faster.

For those of you familiar with the original version of this story you may notice a big chunk missing from this chapter. There was a scene here that, while nice and fan-servicey, I felt just didn't fit neither in this chapter nor at this point in Dib and Zim's relationship, especially now that I've gone and made Zim (I hope) more in character than before. I hope that, in the end, this adds something more to this story than has been taken away. **Thank you, as always for reading and all feedback is appreciated and welcome.**

* * *

Once Dib came back both he and Zim were peering inside a large cardboard box that seemed to be filled to the brim with photographs. Dib pulled out a stack and said, "I'm not sure how legal it is, exactly, but I have cameras stationed all throughout the city, looking at the sky in case any more of YOU show up." At the 'you' Dib gave an almost violent point at Zim. "I kept and printed some of the pictures that I most liked."

"I… see," Zim said, though didn't really seem to understand how this had anything to do with Irk until he saw a picture of the Earth sky as the sun was setting. He pointed to it and said, "All except for the clouds that looks a lot like Irk."

"I've got another one," Dib said, looking through the pile he was holding until he found a picture of the sky during twilight, cloudless and a mixture of pink and orange. "Here."

Zim took the picture, staring nostalgically at the sky that reminded him of one that he was once not allowed to see.

"You can keep that if you want." Dib said, tapping the picture. "I've got loads like it."

Zim looked at the photo for a while, almost putting it in his pak before remembering that he couldn't get into it and instead just set it on the table. He stared at it for a while, getting lost in his memories of his planet.

"What would you do," Zim asked, gaining Dib's attention. "If you could no longer reach your people?"

Dib thought about that a moment, thinking of the loneliness he'd feel if there were no other humans beside him, how lonely he DID feel, being the only one who could fight against Zim.

"I'd feel like crap." The human answered finally. "But I wouldn't give up. I'd find a way to get back to them."

"If only I could." Zim said, staring angrily at the photo on the table.

"Why not?" Dib asked, feeling a momentary concern for the alien. "If you want to go home then you should go. Earth likes being here anyway… spinning normally." He didn't know why he was saying this, and knew his words would kick him in the balls later.

"I can't!" Zim snapped, glaring at the human before him. "I'm an invader! I can't just leave my planet! Besides, it would take me six Earth years just to get to Irk, two to get to the Massive where they have recently moved!"

Dib's face twitched momentarily into a look of concern. They weren't just out of reach, they LEFT Zim there.

"Well, in a way I'm kind of relieved," Dib said after a moment.

"What? What do you mean, Dib-stink?" Zim asked, crossing his arms.

"My life would be boring if I didn't have you here to torture," Dib said with an almost sweet smile. Then he heard what he'd said in the back of him mind and mentally kicked himself, "I mean, you know, not like tha- I just mean…."

"I know what you mean, human." Zim said, seeming to have calmed down and waved a dismissive hand. "It has been… fun… on occasion."

"You mean with me screwing everything up for you?" Dib asked with a small smirk.

"No, I mean with me turning you into bologna!" Zim said with a cackle.

Dib laughed along with Zim, saying, "It has been fun, huh?"

"Yes," Zim said before frowning, "Except for the bleeding. Did not like the bleeding."

"No, maybe not." Dib said with a shrug. "But the rain was."

Zim frowned more and lightly punched Dib in the arm.

Dib grabbed the fist and, quick as lightening, pulled Zim close, lightly elbowing him in the ribs in a pretend retaliation.

Zim gave Dib an offended look but played along, reaching with his free hand to wrap his claws around Dib's neck and lightly knee the human.

Dib smirked and shoved Zim down and off of him. The alien landing on his back on the couch with an 'oof' doing his best not to laugh or look at all like he was having fun.

Dib noticed this and an idea came to mind. "Zim, don't laugh." He said before pouncing on the alien and tickling him.

"Ah! Stop!" Zim gasped, unable to help the laughter that poured from his mouth as he tried to push the human off. "N-no! Zim demands you stop thi-this! Stop at ONCE!"

"Never!" Dib laughed, trying to make it sound menacing.

Zim felt the human's skin touch that of his midriff as he shirt rode up from the squirming. He jumped, although he couldn't help but laugh still, and kicked out, narrowly missing Dib's groin.

The human stopped, asking with wide 'narrowly avoided getting kicked in the balls' eyes, "Zim, are you okay?"

"Fine," Zim said quickly, glaring, his sides still tingling from the tickle.

"No, you're not," Dib said once he calmed down, sounding much like a parent scolding a child.

"I said I'm fine," Zim snapped, crawling out from under the human.

Dib was quiet for a moment before asking, "Does your issue with touch have to do with why you're emo?"

"I'm not emo!" Zim shouted, hands clenching into fists, ready for a REAL fight.

"Fine, you're not emo." Dib said with a roll of his eyes. "But you're a HUGE jerk."

"Shush! Zim is superior in all ways!" Zim yelled, reverting back to his usual technique of dodging when he couldn't think of good comebacks.

"Whatever," Dib said as he got up and grabbed his cell phone. "I'm going to call that planner."

Zim watched Dib tensely and with narrowed eyes. Stupid human.

"Yeah, yes, thank you." Zim's antennae twitched as he heard Dib talking on the phone. "Yes ma'am. Dib Membrane, and my fiance's name is Zimma…. When is the earliest you have…? Nothing earlier? Alright, that'd be fine then, thank you."

Dib turned to Zim and announced, "She'll be meeting us here tomorrow at two."

"I can't wait," Zim said, sounding unimpressed.

Dib rolled his eyes, saying, "You could try and plan it on your own if you want, but if I remember correctly you were opposed to that idea."

Zim simply stuck his tongue out before standing from the couch, announcing. "I'm going to make myself something to eat and take it upstairs so I don't have to look at YOU while trying to digest."

"Thank goodness I found a woman with a stunning personality." Dib said sarcastically, which made Zim hiss at him before disappearing into the kitchen.


	9. The Truce

Excuse me while I hang my head in shame during these author's notes.

This chapter has been written for ages, but I've been having a really tough beginning half of the year. I've had family pass away, school which I barely passed for this semester, I FINALLY got a job that paid but it was seasonal and I finally just NOW got a job that isn't seasonal! It's all been a little overwhelming and I've had NO motivation to update this, or any, of my works. Just started reading some of the older fictions that originally inspired my fan fiction so it's helped me get a little more into the swing of things and I'm hoping I can stay motivated now, because it's a really calming past time.

Also, I'm considering creating an all new account for my stories. Get a nice, clean, fresh start with my re-writes, maybe even go back over them and improve on them even further. I'd love to have something professional grade to look back on and think, "Wow, I wrote that." I don't really have any interest in becoming a writer professionally, but I'd still like to be proud enough in my fan works to be able to confidently point people in the direction of them, as apposed to having to stifle to need to yell, "NO DON'T LOOK!" Every time someone asks me about my fanfiction.

So keep a look out here for any possible notices about new accounts. I will prolly keep posting the first drafts here to get a good feel of how people are digging the vibe of my stories. Could really help in making the final drafts something really entertaining.

Credit to both me and my partner for the initial idea and writing. Credit to me for the revisions.

* * *

Zim hung out in his room for a while before coming downstairs so find Dib asleep on the couch.

"Fuhhing falfine's nay," The human mumbled into the couch cushion as he drooled.

Zim walked over, looking at the human with a confused expression. He poked Dib in the cheek and whispered, "Dib, hey, Dib, wake up."

"Fuhhing falien… fuhhing nah worhing." Dib mumbled, something falling out of his hand and onto the floor.

Zim growled in annoyance, picking the device up which was beeping high and in quick succession. "Dib, wake up and shut this thing off!" Zim shouted, holding the thing to Dib's ear.

"No! I wohn go geh hilhren... sex is oferraheh…" The human mumbled as he turned over.

Zim huffed, his irritation level sky rocketing. He dropped the device back to the floor and gave Dib a hard slap to the face.

Dib gasped, bolting upright and yelling as he put his hand to the cheek, "Zim! What the Hell was that for!"

"You were babbling… and that stupid thing won't stop beeping!" Zim yelled, pointing at the thing on the floor.

"I wasn't… babbling?" Dib said, thought sounded unsure. "I was asleep… and what… the thing!" Dib dove for the device, picking it up and dusting it off to check for damage. "I hope nothing broke."

"You were so," Zim said quietly, under his breath. "Now tell me what it is."

"Don't worry about it, Zim." Dib said, pulling something out from inside it that successfully stopped the beeping.

Zim glared before looking down nad sntaching the thing from Dib's hands and asking, "What does it do?"

Dib rolled his eyes and snatched it back, saying, "I've been trying to invent something that can read a person's mental stability. You know, determine a person's stress level, a general idea of what they're thinking, and stuff like that."

"Fascinating." Zim said sarcastically before asking, "So what were you dreaming about? By your mumbling it had something to do with me and sex."

"I- I really talk in my sleep?" Dib wondered out loud. "Oh, um, I don't know what that has to do with anything… but I do recall in my dream I was smashing Dad's head open with an iron mallet…"

"That sounds like fun." Zim said, looking back at the device in Dib's hand, trying very hard not to voice his question.

Dib began to take his device apart and examine the parts as he mumbled, "Was a nightmare, actually."

Zim wasn't even paying attention anymore, more curious about what Dib was doing. Finally, he couldn't hold back anymore and picked up one of the chips that Dib had set aside and began looking it over himself.

Dib watched Zim for a while before asking, "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," Zim said, looking up at Dib with a truly innocent look.

Dib paused in consideration. He finally sighed and said, "Fine, just don't break anything."

Zim pouted before snatching each thing up as it hit the table when Dib was done with it. He put things together and took them apart again, and before long he had every piece and was tinkering with the entire thing while Dib watched.

Zim looked so calm, Dib noticed. He was concentrating so hard on fixing this thing that Dib was working on and seemed like a completely different alien.

Dib scooted closer to look at what Zim was doing and the alien didn't even seem to notice that. In fact, once he was done he turned to give Dib the device and jumped.

"What are you doing?" Zim asked, brows knitted.

"Watching." Dib said simply.

Zim gave Dib an annoyed look before passing the human the device. "Here."

Dib turned the entire thing over in his hand, examining it. It wasn't beeping anymore.

He put the thing up to his mouth and spoke into a speaker, saying, "Diagnose."

The device gave three beeps before flashing something on the screen that said, "Mood- Nervous, Brain-Wandering, Stress- Medium."

"It… It worked! You did it!" Dib looked up, smiling at Zim before quickly going over and hugging him tightly and spontaneously.

Zim tensed, his first reaction was to scratch Dib again, but quickly felt that there was no skin contact, and so allowed the hug reluctantly.

"Of course I did it. I am ZIM. This is mere child's play compared to the work I use to do." He said as if getting tired of the sound of his own voice.

"I've been working on this thing on and off since I was twelve," Dib mumbled, pulling back marveling at his device. "This is great! Thank you!"

The human then got up and took the device to his room, leaving Zim sitting there, somewhat confused.

Zim felt he deserved better than a simple thanks, not that he didn't like working on things like that, but he used to get PAID for it.

Dib came back, sitting back down on the couch and saying, "I didn't know you were good at fixing things. I thought you just broke things."

"Nonsense," Zim said, waving a hand, although smiling in eagerness that he got to do a little bragging. "Zim used to be an inventor for the irken empire. It wasn't until later that I became a mighty destroyer of worlds!"

Dib rolled his eyes, but couldn't help but smile at the little alien's ego. "Well, if you want to we could always work on something together, I have myself a little lab in the basement where I create most of my paranormal equipment. Might be fun."

Zim couldn't help but smile at the thought of getting his hands on something to tinker with, although, as usual, the smile was more creepy than heart warming and made Dib quick change the subject.

"You know, when I started that invention of mine I was actually aiming for a project that would help me read minds, but I thought I'd start small and work with the basic stuff… it was the best I had at the time... and… well… it's SUCH a pointless machine… but I wanted to understand it first… before I went to mind-reading..." Dib smiled to himself, remembering when he started it, he was going to use it to predict what Zim was going to do. "Have you ever wondered about that? What others are thinking?"

"Not so much," Zim said, crossing his arms. "No one's thoughts have ever mattered to me but my own… although…." He gave Dib a pointed stare.

Dib didn't seem fazed, asking, "What are YOU thinking right now?"

"Wouldn't you like to know, Dib-stink?" Zim asked, smirking and trying to look mysterious.

Dib frowned a little, face twisting up in contemplation, wondering just what that smirk meant.

"Yeah, I would, actually."

"Well," Zim said, turning and smugly throwing his chin out. "You are not allowed to know. Zim's thoughts belong to ZIM!"

"You know that just makes me want to know all the more." Dib pointed out, unfazed by the alien's show.

Zim waved at Dib as though waving him away, saying, "Yes, I am fascinating, but your puny human mind could not possibly comprehend the superior thoughts going on in my superior mind."

Dib pouted, saying, "You know, this attitude of yours is probably why no one has wanted to marry you before now."

"And just how would you know of such things?" Zim asked, looking back at the human, offended.

"Wait, someone HAS?" Dib asked, looking genuinely surprised. "I don't know, I've always assumed not since I've never spied you calling any other irkens besides your leaders before, and you've never mentioned it before either."

"It happened much too long ago for it to have come up in conversation… and why would I talk to you about it anyway?" Zim asked, one eye narrowing in confusion.

"Alright, you have a point." Dib said, rolling his eyes. "So what happened, did you say 'no' or something?"

"If you MUST know," Zim said, exasperated. "I agreed."

Dib deadpanned in shock. "You- what happened? Did you go through with it? Did something happen? Are… am I marrying a married Irken?" Dib pulled closer, unable to help his curiosity.

Zim leaned away, answering, "Almost, yes, something did happen, and no, I'm not married."

Dib looked sad then, pulling back and asking, "What happened?"

Zim face screwed up, and suddenly he could understand how Dib had felt when Zim had questioned him about his mother.

"She's dead."

Dib sat fully back now, unsure of anything to say other than, "I'm sorry." He reached a hand up, brushing his fingers over Zim's clothed arm, wanting to offer support, should the alien want it, but not wanting to push it either. It felt weird to him to offer, so he was sure it would feel weird for the other to accept it.

Zim's fists balled up for a moment, relaxing though when he felt the human's touch and looked down at it curiously. He didn't know what to do in regards to the gesture, so he did nothing, instead looking up at the human and saying, "It's nothing. It happened a long time ago."

"That's… good then… I mean, that you're over it." Dib said, taking his hand back, but still trying to give Zim a reassuring look.

"I am going to go make myself something to eat." Zim said, standing suddenly, sounding smug once more, as though it should be some kind of honor for Dib that someone like Zim should want to eat his food.

"You do that." Dib said, disappointed that he'd seen a much more sensitive side of the alien and that it was now gone.

Zim went to the kitchen, contemplating the information he had just shared with Dib, and wondering why he'd done so. He supposed it didn't really matter though. It was out there now, and he just hoped Dib wouldn't be able to find a way to use it against him.

Dib heard Zim make himself some toast, and decided to get up and make sure Zim really was okay. When he found Zim just going about, buttering the now toasted bread he said, "Hey, Zim?"

The alien looked up curiously, one eye narrowed.

"You know, if I'm too much of a jerk, feel free to punch me, alright? I won't shock you for it or anything." Dib offered, figuring it would be more comforting than the touch he gave just a few minutes ago.

Zim looked surprised for a moment before smirking and saying, "As if I need you permission, human."

Dib couldn't help but give a small laugh, knowing full well that Zim really would just take it upon himself. "Just wanted to let you know."

Zim sat down to eat his toast and Dib sat down across from him at the kitchen table, asking, "Do you think… when this is all over… that we could ever be friends, and the threats would all just be teasing?"

Zim took the time to chew and swallow, allowing himself to actually think about it before saying, "Who knows?"

"Maybe we could try it now?" Dib asked, looking at Zim seriously. "Like… a temporary truce?"

The alien gave Dib an unsure look, asking, "Like… pretend to be friends?"

"No, more like… a trial friendship." Dib said, nodding in agreement with himself.

"I… guess." Zim said, giving Dib a lopsided frown.

"Truce then." Dib said, holding his hand out for Zim.

Zim hesitated.

"Truce." The alien shook it.


End file.
